Compulsive Talking and Its Causes

[Riva]

Stress and anxiety I think.

 

[kyuuei]

Not an easy question because it stems from all sorts of problems, and usually it is a combination of things. People tend to not fall into this from one single source alone.

It could be something as simple as what I sometimes experience: quiet is disturbing to some cultures. While I CAN appreciate quiet, I find that I don't generally without a need for it or without a particular event going on that commands some respect for quiet. My house was a busy one, and I grew up in it. People in and out constantly, lots of siblings, lots of friends that lived literally across the street, we took in strays sometimes both animals and people... It's our way. My parents weren't the type to stifle children being loud or anything like that, games and stuff were a constant. Going from that to where I am now--a cabin in the middle of the woods--I find the silence stifling. It isn't like I want to talk for the sake of talking, but I want NOISE and you get it by interacting with people. So I find myself rambling on with my patients, or talking to people about things I don't even care about because I like the sound it makes that sound at all is happening. Later on I think, "Why did I talk about that? I don't like revealing so many details about myself so quickly, to a complete stranger nonetheless.." but that's what it is, at least in a bigger part.

So I can easily see how people would fall into this pitfall without having 100% self awareness about it. A bit of anxiety, a bit of immature teenager-mentality rut (invisible audience fallacies for example), and a big family (which can cause all sorts of angles other than the one I mentioned) and voila, a compulsive talker.

There are people who are self-absorbed and talk without regard for others at all. I think it becomes a big issue when that person is SUPPOSE to care about others they're talking to--but give no indications through their compulsive actions. If a mother is self absorbed, and just talks about herself and pays no REAL attention (i.e. maybe they heard and forgot right away indicating the brain thinks it is unimportant), I can see the strain it would cause on a child of hers trying to be noticed by her and just... wanting to be acknowledged that they exist in some way in that mother's mind. There are few questions asked at all.. and those questions are usually to lead back into something self absorbed all over there. It isn't conscious, at all, and there is no doubt on whether the mother loves their child or not.. but assuming love vs seeing it are two different things and they create far different results.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Have you ever met someone who never seems to stop talking? I don't mean simply a talkative person who is skilled in the art of conversation. I'm referring to a person who dominates every conversation, interrupts others constantly, and doesn't seem to realize that his or her incessant talking is annoying and stressful to other people. What do you suppose causes that? Is it anxiety-related? A symptom of ADD? Or is it just need for attention?

My actual boyfriend ENTJ used to be like that, control and domination was his deep motivation.

Today he has changed a lot, even before to approach me. IF not I would have run away from him.

I think those people are afraid of listening to their inner feelings, and are afraid in a more general sense of "falling in a void".

Anyway, such people are not relaxed and I get fed up very easily.

So I guess that depends on the enneatype and fears of that person.

 

[Bush]

Also, body language facial expressions, etc. during silent periods may (rightly or no) convey that the other person needs clarification on something you've said, that they're losing interest, etc.

Guilty.Though I'm not perfect at it, I tend to pick up on these automatically and, often, words just kinda come out to "remedy" the situation. It's like I can't not act on those cues, probably because I want to make sure that I convey a complete understanding of my thoughts. All of this, really, only happens if I've started conveying my thoughts on the first place and I get those sorts of reactions.

Some people take any silence to mean that something is amiss. They may not necessarily want to fill the airtime themselves, but think that, for some reason, it ought to be filled during a conversation.

 

[Flâneuse]

I think most people do this sometimes, especially when they're either nervous/flustered or euphoric. I do it when I'm around someone I like and just want an excuse to talk to them. The combination of anxiety and eagerness just makes me go on and on, even though I'm very quiet normally.

I know three people who I would consider compulsive talkers - they absolutely have to fill every empty moment with words, as though silence is something to be afraid of. None of them are particularly rude (it's rare for them to interrupt someone else), but one of them comes across as self-important and seems to think he's the funniest and most clever person ever. The other two come across as very friendly and considerate, but also a little bit needy and anxious, and seem to be avoiding an uncomfortable silent moment for the sake of their conversation partners as much as for themselves. Both of these individuals have a low loneliness threshold and freak out if they go too long with company, so their near-constant speech might be a conscious or unconscious attempt to avoid being too awkward or boring for people to want to spend time with them. (Maybe the seemingly arrogant guy is a little like this as well.)

I'm just guessing as to these people's motivations; I don't understand the avoidance of silence very well because it's so diametrically opposed to my usual tendency to feel perfectly comfortable with, and even enjoy, silence. Being silent and still while focusing on my thoughts and feelings, even while thinking about how I'm going to express them later, is how I recharge, and actually expressing myself tends to consume my energy. Because of this, I normally only speak when I really want to say something. (This is not the same as only speaking when you have something important to say - sometimes what I really want to say is completely frivolous.)

 

[Mademoiselle]

Arabs, amirite?

Trying to get a word in with Arabs is like trying "to grill ice".

Kurdish from kurdistan.

 

[five sounds]

I do know of a person in real life who fits into that profile.

This person is very loud, outgoing and talkative, and people usually dislike this person at first sight.
Conversations with this person often revolve around themselves, and they can often spend hours talking about themselves.

And being the non-judgemental person I am, I decided to ignore their flaws and I got further acquainted with this person, then I realised that this person also happened to lack empathy, often holding grudges with people for years and then taking revenge on their enemies and then bragging about it.

I'm pretty sure this person has some form of undiagnosed illnesses or personality disorder or something, I suspect it might be a combination of ADD and aspergers, who knows.

The first person I thought of fits this description, although I think he has some poor coping skills for managing his own emotions and low emotional maturity overall. He often expresses awareness that he doesn't want to talk too much or feels like people get annoyed with him, but he never stops for very long.

I too felt for him and was friendly to him despite it, but he has proven to be fickle as well. We're still friends, but he can get clingy and moody at times.

 

[Dreamer]

As far as it relating to ADHD, I think it depends on the person. I have it and it runs in my family so a lot of cousins and some aunts/uncles have it too. But one cousin in particular comes to mind, and she is literally, nonstop. Not just on select topics, no, she basically blabs every idea she has in a given moment. You think someone else with ADHD would be able to tolerate it, but no, I just can't. Won't do it. One time we were hanging out, she actually just came out and said that she envys me because I can appear much more "normal" in a crowd, whereas everywhere she goes, she gets stares. She then told me why she does it, and that's because she has a constant fear of losing her ideas so she says them in conversation, even when the conversation doesn't warrant it. Now, I have problems holding onto an idea for longer than a couple minutes too, but I don't run my mouth. I think it's because I know that that idea will arise again, they usually do in the most random of times, that I can then write it down on paper to remember.

So I'm sure there are other reasons out there, but I thought what she told me was interesting since I often questioned it myself but never brought it up. Oh, and she cuts me off too many times. I've learned to adapt by just saying screw it, and continue talking with my point regardless if she starts talking or not. It's pretty ridiculous to overhear us at times in public since we may be literally talking at the same time about different things.