SilkRoad
Lay the coin on my tongue
- Joined
- May 26, 2009
- Messages
- 3,932
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I think, actually, that for myself I'm more likely to do the "clingy within myself/trying too hard to not look clingy" thing with someone I'm interested in, but not actually involved with, and I'm not sure if they're reciprocating (or the logical part of me is pretty sure they're not reciprocating, but emotionally I'm too entangled already). Then, I try so hard not to push, that some girl who's pushier with them is probably more likely to have success.
In an actual relationship, I found that being with someone who was quite insecure and also doing a push/pull sort of thing (ie. one day "I love you sooooooo much" and the next day "I just don't think this is working out because my ex-gf made me sooooooooo much happier" ) made me clingier.
Lol. I'd be the pushier woman. I don't waste a whole lot of time before approaching, if the other party seems like they might be interested. I've learned early enough -- you have to kick that Se into high gear unless you want to be missing opportunities left and right.
Those types make me detach from the situation so I won't get hurt. I pick up any small reason to explain to myself why they basically aren't right for me anyway.
I don't think I am. The only exception I would make is if something seems to be going wrong in the relationship and the person is distancing themselves emotionally. I have a compulsive need to make sure that things at home base are established and alright before giving my attention to the other things that I normally would.
The one time when I have responded by being oversolicitous, I think it did signify someone who was unwilling/unable to talk through things or give me any reassurance that things between us were okay even if there were other stressors bothering him. I've realized that that is very important to me in a relationship and I don't function well without it.
I think that I have clingy tendencies within me, but to counteract them I try so hard to not look clingy that I think I can sometimes appear cold/uninterested.
I can certainly relate. I can get clingy but I do the backing off as well, although at times I really don't want to. I hate being pressured and when people are all over me without giving me air to breathe, so I try really hard not to be like that. People usually do regard me as distant but I feel more than I let on (romantic or platonic).
I'm extremely clingy with people I trust and know will not judge me..but it takes people a long time to get to that stage
Also, I can be utterly clingy one moment and 5 seconds later be off being distracted by something. This is partly coz I don't wanna freak people out and immobilize them too long. There's only very few people I will do this for a prolonged time with as they've proven not only to not mind but even like it. I love them for it
Clinginess often comes from the belief that the other person will be the answer to all of one's problems. Invariably it brings disappointment and anger when this is not the case. And yet, because the person is choosing out of a place of need, they are unwilling to break up with anyone until they have someone else to replace them with. The common signs of it: needing constant physical contact, being in touch an unreasonably large amount of the day, depending on the partner for things that are more appropriate for the person to handle alone, jealousy and possessiveness are just symptoms of the deeper problem.
I can certainly relate. I can get clingy but I do the backing off as well, although at times I really don't want to. I hate being pressured and when people are all over me without giving me air to breathe, so I try really hard not to be like that. People usually do regard me as distant but I feel more than I let on (romantic or platonic).
I like to think this is the road I would take now.
Actually, I consider it to be more "needy" rather than "clingy".