AGameOfChance
New member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2017
- Messages
- 23
- MBTI Type
- ESTP
- Enneagram
- 8w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
My dad passed away at an early age and my mother never socialized my brother and I with other kids during our formative years, which made school a less than pleasant experience. Amongst a few other psychologically scarring aspects she was also neglectful and abused drugs which resulted in us going into the foster care system. My brother, being disabled, had to be in a different home that specialized in taking care of disabled children.
As an adult I've managed to work through a lot of my issues, but one thing just can't seem to shake is an inferiority complex that acts like a cognitive brick wall between me and the pursuit of my goals and interacting with others, the latter of which really sucks because I enjoy the company of others and don't consider myself a natural introvert. An interesting tidbit on this is that I've learned to be far more relaxed, gregarious and assertive at work (though this is a work in progress), and I'm well-liked by my coworkers, but work seems like the only safe environment where I can be that way and I can't seem to bring myself to relax and have fun anywhere else, it's as if I'm "not allowed," even though I know rationally how ridiculous that is.
As much of a role as my mother, being separated from my brother and the foster care system played in my psyche, I think my main issue had to do with school. During my first few years of elementary school I was extremely loud and hyperactive and got sent to detention a lot, less so for actual bad behavior and more so for being intolerable and annoying the shit out of everybody, and nobody liked my pranks or jokes. I also had some pretty bad anger issues since I really wanted to be everyone's friend, but every time I reached out I got a proverbial slap in the face from the other kids, so pretty soon I started lashing out. However, that only drove people away even more. I think this wore down my confidence over time since by fifth grade I'd become extremely quiet and never talked to anybody, and I've basically been that way ever since. I can count the number of true friends I've had on one hand, and I've had one SO, and our relationship was actually absolutely wonderful, but both of us were complete basketcases and the relationship in hindsight showed signs of codependency.
Have any other ENTPs had a similar life situation, and have you found a way to rise above it? I want to become the best version of myself that I possibly can, but I always end up back in the same spot whenever I try to make a change.
Sorry about this post being a run-on word salad clusterfuck, I'll reword it later.
As an adult I've managed to work through a lot of my issues, but one thing just can't seem to shake is an inferiority complex that acts like a cognitive brick wall between me and the pursuit of my goals and interacting with others, the latter of which really sucks because I enjoy the company of others and don't consider myself a natural introvert. An interesting tidbit on this is that I've learned to be far more relaxed, gregarious and assertive at work (though this is a work in progress), and I'm well-liked by my coworkers, but work seems like the only safe environment where I can be that way and I can't seem to bring myself to relax and have fun anywhere else, it's as if I'm "not allowed," even though I know rationally how ridiculous that is.
As much of a role as my mother, being separated from my brother and the foster care system played in my psyche, I think my main issue had to do with school. During my first few years of elementary school I was extremely loud and hyperactive and got sent to detention a lot, less so for actual bad behavior and more so for being intolerable and annoying the shit out of everybody, and nobody liked my pranks or jokes. I also had some pretty bad anger issues since I really wanted to be everyone's friend, but every time I reached out I got a proverbial slap in the face from the other kids, so pretty soon I started lashing out. However, that only drove people away even more. I think this wore down my confidence over time since by fifth grade I'd become extremely quiet and never talked to anybody, and I've basically been that way ever since. I can count the number of true friends I've had on one hand, and I've had one SO, and our relationship was actually absolutely wonderful, but both of us were complete basketcases and the relationship in hindsight showed signs of codependency.
Have any other ENTPs had a similar life situation, and have you found a way to rise above it? I want to become the best version of myself that I possibly can, but I always end up back in the same spot whenever I try to make a change.
Sorry about this post being a run-on word salad clusterfuck, I'll reword it later.