My mother is ESFJ, my letter opposite. I have tremendous respect for her and what she does. Her life, her identity, consists of helping people, and seeing that things are taken care of. Even now, in her 70's, it's difficult for her to slow down and just take care of herself, because she always feels like she should be helping someone.
But growing up, she and I most definitely didn't "get" each other. There wasn't really conflict between us, because I became a master at avoiding it. But she clearly never got what I was all about, and the environment she established in our home was not ideal for me. She still doesn't really get who I am, but she has accepted it a little more. I would never survive being married to that type, and I'd never be attracted to someone like that.
She's very religious, and her life has revolved around working for the church for as long as I've known her. She has said that she used to be very fearful, and a different person, before she found God. I wonder how much her religious convictions and church culture affect her effective type. I've heard of a study that indicated that most Western church cultures idealize women as ESFJs, and men as ESTJs, and I can see that.