OK -lets park the NPD/mental illness thing, I think you got this yesterday and I think you get it now... it's insulting and hurtful etc... snuff said..
Okay, but not getting stirred up over something is more of an NT trait. Are you telling me to acquiesce because it's easier for me to be more cool-headed and rational (and therefore more NT) about his bluntness?
No not that.
it is easeir for you to change yourself/your approach/your tactics, than it is for you to influence actual change in someone else... especally when that someone comes from a slightly different universe....
EXAMPLE If he talks to you about something which he is just talking about... and you get all upset and start arguing with him... he gets all bewildered...
Isn't it easier for you to apprecaite that he isn't communicating with emotions... he hasn't seen it has upset you.
IF you want to feed back to him.... State that what he was saying was quite hurful and made you feel like XYZ.... did he mean that...... "and give your take on it"- chances are he will be horrified. Main thing is
not to make him feel attacked
do you get that if he doesn't understand that he has said anything that you are taking offense too and you then argue with him.. he would be bewildered about where that has come from.. he may not being picking up your upset ques while he is talking... This is when he is doing it unconsiously... when he is deliberately riding you use the bit I suggested before about explaining that you don't need fixing... etc...
I doubt that'd illicit a good response, but I'll try to figure out some way to go about it.
I doubt it too, but unless you are telling him that you don't apprecaite him telling you to change - then it will piss you off... you then geting snippy with him and he then gets offended... Be patient with this - you are changing your style of approach to facilitate a different outcome than usual (AKAN to get him to reduce and stop the incidents that he does this)
Oh God. Are you serious? To just ask someone to be a little more tactful is trying to change who they are? That's so silly.
But you are not
just asking him to be more tactful, you are critical of his abitites to explain, telling him he is over emotional, etc etc... read the last 5 pages of what you are asking for him... REALLY you've not just been asking him to be more a wee bit more tactful at all.
haha. You'll change your mind I'm sure, babe.
so you think
So you'd get frustrated at me for not getting something complex you were saying? Great.
What would bug me is not your not getting the concept,
but blaming me for it, when you own the comprehension side of the discussion... It was interesting in your last post - was your question about "should I get him to draw me diagrams" - YES - it will help you understand and reduce his frustration I'm sure.... the more ways you can think about lowering the gap and helping you understand what is in his head the less frustrating it will be for him.
YES I agree they are both to blame/have ownership
But if the Englishman got irritated at the Frenchman and said it should be simple for him to understand English, then I'd say the Englishman would need to be more understanding, wouldn't you?
No that is my point - the Englishman needs to calm down and realise its his fault for not speaking French, and make efforts to learn... and the Frenchman needs to make some effort to learn Enlgish... The onus is on the one who is irritated to move more than half way across that gap
And the difference is...?
Massive difference.... mental ability/intellect is about your ability to perform intellectually..... be able to solve problems, spacial awareness etc... you could have an IQ150 and still be sufferening form the same issue with your freind.. he is talking abstractly - which isn't about using big words or having a quick brain (ENTPs are quick)
He can use simple lanuge to explain an idea... an example would be a general moving toy soldiers around a tiny battel field in his office to explain the strategy in a war - this is the communication of an abstract idea - in simple to understand terms....
Get him to use visuals, get him do physical things like the general - make it real for you - your brain simply can recreate a battle field in your head without simulus - thats the main difference with abstract thinkiers...
Your screwed if his ideas are massively technical, but asking questions gently about how he would explain that idea to a 8 year old - gives him practice of communication of ideas, and you the opportunity to show and interest...
I don't scream at him. I don't get where you get that I am screaming at him. Is this your incredible power of assumption generating operating again?
I never said you screamed at him (it was the frnech guy you were hypotetically screaming at).. but you are telling him he needs to change, rather than taking the onus on yourself..
But feel free to misrepresent the situation yet once again.
YAWN you've miss read the post
PS don't automatically asume because he has a quick brain and uses an abstract communication style that he is more intellegent than you are.... He might be, but not nessesarily. Speed doens't equal rightness.... He explains stuff in the way he thinks - see my next post for a bad communication style... and the one after for a good communication style.... there are lots of ways you can help yourself understand his ideas better... just need to figure out what works for you that he can do