stellar renegade
PEST that STEPs on PETS
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Messages
- 1,446
- MBTI Type
- ESTP
I can't figure you out for the life of me!
Sorry, don't mean to be insulting. But this is actually a serious thread because I want some advice on how to deal with my ENTP best friend. The past year has been filled with arguments. I'm rather careless and flippant while he looks for reliability and logic and standing by one's word. Lately it's been alot better, though. It often depends on how his life has been going.
But I thought this exchange I just had with an ENTP on the Keirsey boards was enlightening (Inventor = ENTP):
So... any advice from the brilliant ENTP crowd out there for me?
Thanks very much in advance.
Sorry, don't mean to be insulting. But this is actually a serious thread because I want some advice on how to deal with my ENTP best friend. The past year has been filled with arguments. I'm rather careless and flippant while he looks for reliability and logic and standing by one's word. Lately it's been alot better, though. It often depends on how his life has been going.
But I thought this exchange I just had with an ENTP on the Keirsey boards was enlightening (Inventor = ENTP):
me said:So, do all Inventors seem to be pretty sensitive? My Inventor friend seems to be that way as well. The slightest offense to his ideas or person and he gets set off.
ENTP said:Yes. We are virtually all that sensitive because (1) we are extroverts who care a lot about what other people think of us and (2) we are never really certain of our own ideas and rely on external validation to feel confident. Many of us isolate ourselves from the world for this reason and are susceptible to social anxiety even on forums. It's something that I've struggled with my entire life.
me said:WOW! I never would've guessed. That makes so much sense, though. Thank you, I really appreciate that little bit of info, it really helps me understand.
I mean, at times it just seems like he's frustrated that other people aren't being logical or reliable. But he's let me see his vulnerable side, which I know is a huge privilege. He also let me know by viewing a conversation of his with someone that his anger is a defense mechanism. Do you get angry alot, too?
He does seem susceptible to social anxiety on forums, even those he hasn't been on all that much. I am to a degree, but I always figure I can solve whatever bad image I have. He tends to give up and shut off. He also generalizes people into groups to protect himself from further hurt. It's no wonder he shuts himself in his room all the time and rarely comes out, and when he feels the slightest bit ignored he gets seemingly irrationally (at least to me) upset.
Also, about 1), he used to always say, "Does that make sense?" after every analysis of a situation he made, even if it seemed like a completely obvious conclusion. It kinda annoyed me to be honest, although I didn't say anything because it seemed like he was actually vulnerable to criticism and not just saying it. For some reason he doesn't say that anymore, but regardless he's always come off as very self-confident and rarely admits that he's wrong. If I ever prove him wrong about something (usually about details haha I have a hard time following his arguments alot) it's difficult for him to admit it.
I will say that he's the best at keeping his expression of emotions at bay considering how much emotion he has. Oftentimes I can tell he's outraged but he speaks in a logical almost monotone voice outlining solid points until the other person seems to become too unreasonable to him. It's admirable. At the same time, I can easily hear his frustration and anger and become disturbed by how many hang-ups he has.
These are the main reasons we haven't gotten along well this past year. We've had alot of good times, though, especially lately. Usually he gets into upset mode easier when things aren't going too well for him. His sensitivity wears on me, though. It's admittedly really hard for me to deal with.
So... any advice from the brilliant ENTP crowd out there for me?
Thanks very much in advance.