It's not about being noisy at night. It probably never was about the noise in the first place. He probably doesn't care about the physical act of being awakened. He does care about being disrespected.
You're missing what I'm saying here, namely that tert Fe is looking for trouble if it invests so much of itself in these stupid little things and refuses to look at it beyond literal and self-preservational Fe.
Because you respect him as a person, and admitting wrongdoing is a sign of respect for a person.
Same here, It does not add up with what you said before, namely that something needs to be expressed if it is to be complained about in a non-hypocritical manner. So if he follows that reasoning, then why does he expect me to apologise for something he hadn't expressed before?
Also, admitting wrongdoing may be a sign of respect for someone, but not for everyone and definitely not to the same degree. ETPs seem to forget that.
Once again, validation and respect. "I want you not to bug me" is also saying "I don't care about your needs/desires". It's a very negative, rejecting statement. Saying something like "hey man, I'd really like to hang out, but I've got to read right now, sorry" indicates that you care about the other person, and respect him enough to consider his desires, even if your priorities take precedent.
Ah, I thought you advised the "I want you not to bug me" approach, my bad. And that's just sugar-coating. In the end you want to read now (what you want over his needs). There's no need to be rude about it and you can slap on some sugar, but you'll always have some priority conflicts unless you find someone that wants what you wants (or is capable of manipulating you to want what they want)
all the time (sounds familiar, yeah?). It's not sustainable like that. The most selfish acts can be made while trying desperately not to be selfish. Similarly for Fi, the most horrific acts can be made while trying desperately not to be immoral.
I'm under the impression that unhealthy (tert) Fe users expect everything to revolve around (them) getting validation and respect and really overdo it, driving many people away in the process. It also seems that their perception of themselves as goody-two-shoes trying to do best for everyone ("woe is me and other people are disappointing me all the time because they don't go with what I want") and the way they come across to other people (Fi and Fe users) is radically different. Selfless - selfish respectively. And I mean you've mostly been instructing me on how to handle ETPs to their benefit, not really discussing things or responding to critical remarks...
We have very strong emotions, which influence everything we do. In fact, that's why we often hide them, because without an emotional rock to anchor self-validation to, the pain of rejection is of such a level that I don't know if I can describe it to someone who hasn't felt it themselves. The panic it generates is akin to a fear of imminent death, because it involves the same sorts of neurological pathways. We've evolved to be social creatures, and our emotions are directly tied to this need. Love = safety and life, rejection = danger and death.
Rejection does suck and I think a lot of people feel your pain regardless of type, but then why not look at yourself a little instead of at what other people can do for you? Methinks you might enjoy embracing some Fi.
With Fe, if you don't mend the status of disrespect, you'll remain categorized as disrespectful, and the worst will be assumed of you.
Yes and it may lead to the aforementioned paranoia if you don't balance it out with logical reasoning.
PS: speaking of practicing what you preach - how does your addressing me with the rather rude and perspectivally narrow "where you screwed up" fit into the Fe construct? (honest question)