The concept of "fashionably late". I do not get it, I will never get it, and I refuse to do it. If you tell me the party starts at 8, I will be there exactly at 8.
I think the idea is supposed to be that you were coming from somewhere - you are so in vogue and in demand - but in truth I think it mostly ends up just being a convenience/courtesy to the hosts and hostesses who could probably benefit from an extra 5 minutes of getting everything ready.
The way I understand it, though, I only follow that rule of thumb when it's a small house party. If it's an event where an activity is taking place, I'll show up right on time, and as far as I have experienced many large non-formal parties tend to be drop-in anyway, so you can come and leave at any point.
Amargith said:
Hazing and any other ritual that causes others to become a social pariah, laughing stock, scape goat or outcast while maintaining the 'clique' - and the subsequents 'either you conform to our rules whether they be fair or not, or you get rejected' attitude that follows to continue the power abuse.
Hazing is interesting. I have been hazed, and it was actually a positive experience for me. It was fun and a little bit stressful, but no one was threatened or harmed. We were told repeatedly that we would never be put in any danger - and we never were - and people kept a close eye on the individuals they thought would be more likely to get scared. However, I have read horrific accounts of totally inhumane hazing, too.
To be honest, I don't think the idea in and of itself is terrible. I think it's probably much harder for someone who hasn't been through it to understand why people who have been through it often support it. When you're joining a large and/or longstanding group, especially one of a more private nature where trust and confidence is very important, it can be hard to overcome the hurdle of "outsider" to "insider", and rituals like hazing can help get through that, because "proves" that you have overcome the trial and are worthy, and it also creates a shared experience with high emotion (stressful situations have been scientifically demonstrated to create deeper relationship bonding) between oneself and the others going through it. It actually can
counteract forced conformity, because once you've gone through it, it automatically makes you a "real" member, and everyone seems to respect that. It's like a transitional ritual to bring you from the outside in.
That said, in recent years my sorority and many others have taken a black-and-white stance
against hazing because the abuses of it have just become too many and too dangerous. It's been taken wayyyy too far. We do still have outside-to-inside ceremonies - "initiation" and the like. But that is a beautiful, formal ceremony that I would be proud to show anyone, were it not secret. I think the dividing line is the intentional creation of
distress in people, which is completely unnecessary. Bonding can be done in better ways.