Some seem icy and condescending to me. I feel like *they* believe I'm at a disadvantage because of being me. The ones who aren't...they're smart and confident, they're willing to share what they know with me and they don't "shut off" if I end up flipping out (i.e. crying) in front of them. That sense of differentness without the icy condescension makes me want to be around them and absorb some of their composure.
The guys, have you ever seen a dog in the dark and you see the reflection in it's eyes and get nothing? yeah, it's kind of like that. I knew this one nt guy that apparently had a big thing for me. in three months I didn't have a clue until he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was nearly 30 for godsake. He could have phoned first. most of the guys I like are smart and willing to share it, and confident, and a bit ironic, and they seem to find me bemusing rather than annoying.
Is it the tone of their voice? How they respond to you? And are their responses to you any different than to anyone else? Under what circumstances do they appear "icy and condescending"?
It sounds like these individuals (from your description) do not appreciate those who wear their heart on their sleeves. If this is the case, then you have three options - mix as needed:
a.) Take the time to learn why they are unreceptive to your personality. Then observe the people they respond well to and see if you can adopt any behavior/attitudes from them. Don't forget to openly communicate with the NT about your problems. Depending on the NT and your relationship with them, he/she may be willing to work out a compromise.
b.) Reserve your 'flipping' out episodes to those who are more accepting. It can save both parties some grief.
c.) Limit your interactions with them. Only speak to them when necessary.
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In response to the inexpressive NTs:
Many NTs don't need to articulate how they feel to get their point across. They operate from a non-personal point of view and hence, choose their facial expressions, body language, tone and words to meet this accordingly. It causes them to appear unemotional and they may also expect others to operate the same way in return. An NT can have a wide range of emotions, but choose not to share it, analyze it or in some cases, acknowledge it altogether since this lies beyond their area of focus.