I did not want to respond to this because I was afraid I would turn it back on myself, which to warn you I probably will, so it might not come across as fluidly as I would like.
It seems like this behavior, is more of an attempt to fit the needs of another person. To be the part that you believe they are missing. While you are busy being that for someone else, you are not being it for yourself. It might seem selfish, but at the end of the day if you resent the other person for what you believe they desire, you are doing no favors.
Anyways, I do think it is marvelous for you to desire to help, but I am not sure if I have any practical advice for you. Hmm... Maybe when you feel that the other person is reliant upon you, take a step back and evaluate whether your help is a short term stopgap, or a long term solution. Try to look for solutions, and try to suggest them to the other. If you desire to help, try to avoid doing so in a way that just chips, chips away, all the while ignoring the bigger issue.
It is hard for me to give advice on this, because it seems like such a core part of your personality and I do not have much to personally go off myself. Maybe just when you feel that tug, pull away.