Wow. I guess she must be very long-suffering too.
No need to get personal Ms. Sarcasm. Start picking your own nose instead the one of other people.
It's difficult to explain. There are so many situations where you feel you must conform, lie, or dodge a question because you know you will be judged if you don't. A single judgement isn't absolutely devastating but it begins to take it's toll when you feel you must constantly apologise for your nature.
The pure simple truth here is, if you are constantly trieing to conform, you wont ever be happy. The background to this statement is simple boolean logic. Most people, upon hearing that statement will answer: but if my friends dont like me, I feel unhappy. This is perfectly understandable but there are two problems to this: the first is that you are constantly playing a role for your friends, to keep them happy with you. Your friends and people in general tho aint stupid and often notice that you are playing a role. Therefore you can produce unwanted side effects which will harm the relation to your friends. The other thing is your identity. it will never develop and if it does it can only in introverted silence, if you never live it.
I for example am at my current workplace renounced as a nerd and am compared by people to the guy from Big Bang theory. And I say, wow those people have their education from TV that must be real braniacs. So I am playing that role, I have never watched Big Bang theory, but if they see me as that, so be it. Since they know in which "category" of theirs to put me, it has become easier for me. They dont poke me with questions no more like "what are you doing on the weekend" or "what do you think about xy", no they have put me in a category they are happy with and I have my peace. That makes life really great, cause you are part of every social endeavour and people like to meet with you, but you dont need to defend that what is holy to your self all the time, cause of its inherent unconventionality.
Last time I said to my workmates that I'll be visiting the FedCon a startrek convention. They've laughed their asses off but never asked me why. They accept me for whom I am. That is a good feeling.
It's like how every Friday, everyone I have a passing conversation with (shop assistants, work mates, people I bump into etc) will ask me about my plans for the weekend; which IME almost always means "which party are you going to?" or "who are you going clubbing with?". Every time I have to think of a way to dodge this question because I know "staying at home" (regardless of what I'm doing) is not socially appropriate answer; in fact this is code for "I'm a pathetic loser" or "I have no life" or "No one will be friends with me". It doesn't matter that I'm perfectly happy being at home alone; I feel like this is a secret that I have to keep from the general public. And regardless of how dumb and inaccurate those views are, I really don't like people having that impression of me.
I have the same problem, in fact I am prepping on thursdays or wednesdays I call "pattern asnwers" to give out on friday to keep people of my backs and not tell them that I am happily looking forward to building my electric circuits on the weekend.
but see that differently: my girlfriend is infp too and one of the great problems of infps is that they sometimes do not see what good things they have. What do you think is the reason for everyone going to a party and you dont want to ? The reason is: you know what you want, the others dont.
You are in that moment and I think you are in an equal life situation like I am, you are in the higher psychological position. You are basically more developed than your surroundings on the path for personal happiness. the problem is nobody will admire you for that, no they will envy you for that and thats why they call you a looser when not going to a party, because they dont want to be confronted with their own problems, which are: they are only going to a party on the weekend and that so maybe for the last couple of years and have not done anything useful with their lifes so far.
Of course one may ask oneself now: what have I done useful with my life, I am only chilling at home on weekends ? the answer is: I am happy. Thats what counts. the moment you are happy and are not dependant on social rules, is the moment when you become hated; cause nobody on this Earth is happy. Happy people are hunted with pitchforks, called introverted or nerds or freaks and everyone is set out to make their lifes as hell as possible.
thats maybe a bit of an overstatement but I hope you get the general idea.
I'm very introverted (and rather shy as well), but believe me I have tried so hard. On many occasions I'm figuratively holding a gun to my own head to make me walk into that party. I'm extremely tough on myself to make an effort, all the while fighting the overwhelming instinct to run desperately in the opposite direction. This is not something I blame on others. I know that when I force myself to go to things, I often have a good time. I know that these instincts are wrong/inaccurate and I know that my anti-social behaviour is unhealthy. Unfortunately this doesn't make it any easier.
Well we are talking very nicely right now, aint we ? Anti social behaviour would be if you were calling me names or run naked into a gay bar as a girl. That would be anti social. Its not anti social if you follow your intrests.
Go on facebook for lets say 10 minutes and browse thru lets say 50 profiles. Look what they say under hobbies. "Hobbies: party, hanging out with friends, shopping". If so many people, coincidentally share the same hobby mustnt there be more to it. Would you call "shopping" a hobby? I dont know, I cant give that a name, I am an engineer no psychoanalyst but here is a functional pattern that somehow feels wrong.
What if "going shopping" as a hobby would mean that you are extrovert. Then all scientific discoveries on the world must been done by introverts, cause extroverts were busy shopping. That cant be it, can it ?
My theory is a different one: I think that the majority of this worlds people dont know what to do with themselves. So they follow social dynamics or patterns and think that makes them happy, which it surely does... for some time. But then at some point in their lifes, comes the big bang and they never will figure out what their problem was all along.
So I can just give you this advice: following your instincts and doing that what makes you feel good, is always the right solution. Not doing so and only focus on please other, will hinder you eternally in your own self-development.
I think you also have to realise that sometimes it doesn't look like the introvert is trying. A strong introvert trying really hard to be social can come across to an extrovert as a half-assed attempt. Me not trying is something few people see, because when that happens, I'm gone; I'm not even in that room at all.
To me there is only one difference between introversion and extroversion. Extroverts solve their problems in communication, while Introverts need time to process a problem and then come up with a solution with themselves. More difference there isnt. The social behaviour has nothing to do with that and dont believe you are an introvert just because you have hobbies.
The thing that you need are the right friends, good friends which share your hobbies. Those can be found in clubs and thanks to the internet, they can be found anywhere on the world right now. I hope that you find the people you need and quit living up to what a mindless party scene expects from you.