Unforgivably long post but it's about the OP so I know you'll love it
First off,
my advice for dating INFPs - huge and kisses!
Give your INFP lots and lots of hugs and kisses!!! Can never be too many! And water and sunlight. This will let your INFP grow up healthy and strong and be very, very happy. (They'll still be moody though, sorry, can't change that. LOL)
The problem is that when Fs get upset, virtually all logical explanation for why you behaved the way you did is just interpreted as "LOGICAL EXCUSES FOR BEING A LOGICALFUCKING ASSHOLE!"
Fixed!
"If you're trying to use logic to tell me why I shouldn't be upset, clearly you hate my FEELINGS and aim specifically and intentionally to hurt and degrade me! wwwaaahhhh!"
Gawd, you are so manly when you emulate a woman emulating a baby crying.
You know Sim, I swear I think you are going to fall,
hard for an NF (oh, please, please, please let it be an INFP!!!
Who keeps a journal and collects crystals) It is the poetic justic of the world. And when that day comes, I'm gonna be the first to subscribe to your new thread!
x 2
Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs :hi
. If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?
Healthy or unhealthy, mature or immature, deeply held beliefs or valued connections must be treaded carefully. Some things are "sacred".
I actually do see Simulated World's frustrations here (oh, it's that evil, evil Fi, isn't it Sim?
) As a fellow NF and Fi user I know it can be hard to feel safe enough to let someone in and really explore these areas of questioning. Introverted feeling is hard to articulate (that's why it's
introverted!) And INXPs can be really poor communicators, especially of intrapersonal stuff.
As a fellow NF/Fi dom I speak the same language (or a similar dialect) so I can navigate it or at least "get" why I can't communicate with the INFP. Whether or not the INFP is "clearly" communicating with me I "get" the gist of it and can usually replay it back to them and then they'll tell me whether I actually understood what they were trying to say or not.
But I think to an NT or really anyone who lacks intra or interpersonal finesse and just thinks things like that ^^ are illogical or unecessary or subjective (which is bad word), etc. it can be
supremely frustrating.
Fi is a logic function but it's (more) subjective logic. Appeals to "rationality" or even practicality don't really work here. And will really piss off or hurt an INFP who thinks you are steam rolling over them instead of listening to what they are saying. They don't want you to tell them what makes sense, they want you to understand what makes sense
to them
It can seem 'selfish'. And non sensical. And needy. <-- But if you think those things you probably shouldn't date an INFP.
5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.
Remember, hugs and kisses! Lots and
lots of hugs and kisses!
11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.
Not the INFPs
I dated. :smug grin:
They
liked calling me/talking to me/seeing me everyday. Sometimes 24/7 like. Doing a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing in particular. That's right - I was
in. uffs chest out:
If an INFP really likes you (and feels comfortable with you) it's so sweet how they very clearly seek you out and shyly hope you want to spend time with them.
Or have I dated a bunch of ISFJs that I've mistaken for INFPs? HA. HA. HA.
12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it. If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me.
Yeah, if you date an INFP and don't agree with what is important to them, it's over. I kinda knew this about one INFP I dated right out of the gate (the core value conflict) but I let it slide figuring we'd deal with it later if we dated long enough. I always knew it was an impassable thing, but you know how 'idealistic' NFs can be.
I was just prolonging the inevitable. Aside from all our problems (though that was definitely a key part of it) it wasn't a sustainable relationship because I could not stand some of the things she valued in her life (namely some people). Fi doesn't compromise. I'm also an Fi dom. I was honest about my feelings on the issue from Day 1 and stuck by my words. I knew I was not going to compromise and would have to walk away if there was no resolution.
13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.
For those looking to date an INFP I would also add "what they 'aspire' to be" to that last sentence, also.