Good things to remember concerning me (and possibly other INFPs):
1. Maintaining integrity is more important to me than "success" in the world, especially money (Hi ESTXs :hi
. If something doesn't have a "higher" meaning to it, then I have a hard time caring about it. Help me see the meaning to something if it seems I am unfairly writing it off. "That's just how it is" arguments don't sit well with me; I am an idealist after all.
2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs :hi
. If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?
3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike. If I don't like you, it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe.
4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.
5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.
6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.
7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it". You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat:
do not trivialize my feelings. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view.
8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud. I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.
9. I talk in metaphors a lot, use hypothetical situations to make a point, and generally put a lot of stock in symbolism. Make an effort to take this seriously, because this is how I communicate, and I will shut down if you disregard it. This also means I sometimes read into wording and actions as symbolic for something greater, which might be annoying, but much of the time it proves right, so I'm sticking to it.
10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer. This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.
11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.
12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it. If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me.
13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.
I can think of a lot more, but I'm getting tired