These little social rituals that Poppy was talking about work but here's a thing I sometimes struggle with: I cannot start any 'smalltalk'. I hate sitting at dinnertables with people that aren't that very familiar to me and no interesting conversation going on. I will have nothing to say. When a silence comes up, don't look to me for a new opening of conversation....
Remember back when used to have a hard time with small talk. I used to ask and never get satisfactory answers.
NLP was helpful because it used strategies that I was comfortable with, helped me learn about the 'dinner guest', and made them comfortable and happy. Also learned other strategies entertainers use who small talk to an audience on stage.
In general being an INT it is easier to turn a problem like small talk into a game, pattern or strategy that you can do over and over again to the point of doing it without even thinking. Here is one strategy that I think you can relate to:
1. Think of small talk at dinner similar to posting habits and starting a thread here or other message board.
2. The topics can be as varied as here; attempt to incorporate things in your environment, of mutual interest, or to lead to a state of mind you want your 'dinner guest' to feel/think. Try and get 5 metaphoric "threads" going on at the same time (no big rush but this is the goal to avoid stagnation you can use the fingers of your hand to remind you which thread you are on).
3. The "posts" need not be linear (i.e. hop around post from one thread to the other). Be confident in hopping back and forth to other thread or even 'cutting threads' (ending conversation) if it brings on a
A. negative reaction (i.e. 'dinner guest' talking about her (ex)boyfriend.)
and/or
B. Stagnation in conversation on topic of thread
and then starting a new thread.