G
GirlAmerica
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How do you deal with stress?
(with an emphasis on emotional stress with ISTJ's)
Thanks in advance!
(with an emphasis on emotional stress with ISTJ's)
Thanks in advance!
It usually means that I am analyzing the situation, trying to cope...being questioned is like an unwanted knocking at your door when you are absorbed in important work. It is usually done by someone trying to be helpful or understand my mood. But it isn't and I wish I could give you a definitive "Why"...It is like someone throwing icy cold water on my back or nails on a blackboard. I am so twisted up in rationalizing my situation that it is almost a trance of sorts and anything that derails my train of thought is an unpleasant shock. It is true that I am probably driven by stress into a sort of tunnel vision that prevents me from seeing the larger picture, which is ironic because I think that is what I always try to do! Hah.
My reactions aren't meant to be a personal attack...my energies are so absorbed in thought that I have little left for the veneer of civility. If a question is asked of me...I usually don't forget it, I just tuck it away for later consideration. Sometimes I feel as if I want to say "can't you see I am trying to concentrate?"
dittoI keep it all bottled in for the most part. Figure it'll go away with time.
I tend to internalize it...then it can express itself in passive/agressive behavior....Aviodance or the silent treatment. I realized over the last few years that almost all of my stress was self-inflicted due to my own expectations of the conduct of others. This is of course unsupportable. But I also expend a lot of energy trying to foresee and control outcomes ostensibly to avoid the stress that a "bad" outcome might bring. And the stress of appearing incompetent.
How do I deal with it once I am experiencing it? I must admit that I find it challenging to just shake it off. Reading something familiar, studying decorative arts or cooking an old recipe tend to distract me somewhat. being alone...with no demands on my time, I find that helpful. This of course can be inconvenient for a partner to deal with. I find others sometimes mistakenly believe that I am angry with them if while I am under stress I do not react in a way that they find appropiate. This simply compounds the stress, which is why I like to be alone while I am dealing with it.
Nice insight into the SJ process -- this seems very similar to how my ISFJ husband reacts to stress. Making sure he gets some uninterrupted time each evening to "do his thing" seems to help. (I used to get confounded by this, because his unwinding by stomping about the house taking care of things looked to me like a problem to solve. Did it really take 45 minutes to take out the garbage and clean the cat poop? Could I make life less stressful for him by figuring out why he seemed so burdened by these household activities? Til I finally got it that these were excuses to escape into his own world for a while which he clearly needs but won't always allow himself unless it is characterized as "work".) How did you come to be so self-aware, down to understanding how you are apt to create your own stress? How does the tendency to require time AFTER to process things affect your ability to deal in the here-and-now? (i.e., can you ever apply the self-awareness in an immediate sense to dial back the stress and change your behavior, and if so are there tools you use that help you do this?)
For example, my sister (ISFJ) gts very stressed out by simply being in an unfamiliar place, or by something not going as she planned or expected, whilst to me those things count as 'pleasant surprises'; meanwhile Hirsch's list of things to do to chill out reads to me like a list of things that'd be likely to cause stress for me!!
What kind of behaviors do you exhibit when stressed?
I usually try to get away from people and seek out solitude. If I am forced to be around people I become irritated much more easily than I normally would. If I am in the company of my family or those I trust I'll start complaining to them (sometimes excessively) about whatever is stressing me out. If I am in the company of strangers or people I am not close to I just remain silent and just mull over my thoughts in my head. I often grind/gnash my teeth unknowingly and won't notice until my jaw starts to hurt. Chewing gum is handy for such circumstances. My mind is in overdrive so if someone tries to tell me something or have a conversation with me when I'm stressed I generally won't listen or understand what they are saying to me...even if it's not intentional.
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