Noise is in the ear of the listener.
What if no one's listening, only talking?
Only the other night, on the way home, I had the dubious pleasure of standing at a bar reading a newspaper, when I was interrupted by an overweight fellow in a sporting costume (he must've been immune to the irony) and with a passion for "the beautiful game".
I told him politely and with respect -
always with respect - that I wasn't interested in the football. But he insisted on talking; the more he talked, the more his bald head glistened and his ridiculous goetee beard looked like spikes of twitchy wire, vibrating in time to his brain waves. He looked like a pirate transplanted in time, here to London. 2009. April. Knocking-off time.
But I had sussed his game. He was trying to get a free pint! And now he was waiting for me to generously offer one, perhaps as a thank you or just to get rid of him, neither of which mattered, as both stategies rely on social niceties to work.
So I told him he had won the award for the most boring man I'd met that day and his forfeit was to buy me another pint. His admission that he was skint confirmed my suspicions about the ruse. But now the begging bowl had come out, the dynamics had changed once more.
How could I not give little Oliver another bowl of gruel? And still the sports talk continued. Chelsea this, Arsenal that. Yada yada.
Please, sir, can I have some more?
But would I give in to this scoundrel? That is the question.
Well, you can't say no to your dad. So I bought the old bugger a pint.
It's the last time I meet him on a Wednesday.
***
Off topic. Which professions requires silence? - I can think of only two; a librarian and an assassin. Noisy librarians might find work, but a noisy assassin won't last long.