Ugh SIX pages? I was GOING to post on this last night but opted to sleep instead... I get home from school and yeu guys flood the topic! ;_;
Oh well.
Anyways, I've been considering posting something of my own views for awhile, but never got around to it. This's as good of an excuse/opportunity as any.
First off, I must state that I consider myself religious. I don't, however, consider myself to follow any religion. In short, I think of myself as a practicing agnostic.
Makes alot of sense huh? >.>;;
The thing is, I don't really do 'faith' as such all that well. It's not in my possible mindset, and blind faith is completely impossible for me to wrap my head around.
I can't just go "zomg god exists! The bible tells me so!"
Uhm... so whot? The bible's hardly a piece of absolute truth in literature, despite the masses which blindly follow it word for word literally without interpretation >.<
"zomg we're complex!" is not an argument either... c'mon, BILLIONS of years of things being worked on is more than enough time to complexify even simple things. That's not even remotely a good argument.
The things that make me believe to a degree though, are the questions that can't be answered. Alright, we'll say the big bang was the origin of the universe. I'm fine with that. The problem here is... if NOTHING existed before that point... where'd the big bang originate from? If time didn't exist BEFORE the big bang, then it couldn't have actually OCCURED, since there's no trigger mechanism. Nothing can 'change' without time, so therefore... no big bang. Therefore, time MUST have existed before the big bang. But... if that's the case, then how did the matter not explode before that? It can't have laid dormant for all of eternity and then just suddenly decided it wanted to blow up... so WTH.
"infinity" doesn't need god to explain it; we could say the matter from the big bang always existed. If god's infinite, and the amount of matter and energy in the universe is a constant never wavering or changing, but a set amount, then there's no reason it couldn't've existed before the dawn of time as well. There's no need to introduce 'god' into the equasion to explain 'infinity'. That's just putting a name or label on something yeu don't exist, that's useless and no more than mythology claiming angels bowling make thunder. Durr stupid reasoning, it's pointless, it has no purpose other than to try to say "I don't know" in a way that's more socially acceptable.
But the thing with the whole time/matter before the big bang... that can't actually be explained by science at this point. And to be blunt, I'm not sure how it ever could be. It doesn't make any sense that it could explode like that. There's absolutely no reason behind WHY it could do that.
So... this doesn't mean god *DOES* exist or anything, it just means that there's something that makes absolutely no sense without introducing some external source beyond that of the universe that we know of.
And that, is whot I believe in. That there's a good probability, from the information that I so far have, that "SOMETHING" exists. Whot that something is, I have no clue. Is it 'God'? Maybe. Maybe not. Is it even an intelligent being? There's actually no real evidence I've seen yet to support this. I honestly don't know if this "something" is even sentient at all. For all I know, it could just be a giant set of mechanical gears essentially controlling fate or karma or whotever. I have no idea.
But I do know that *IF* a god exists, and that if this something is a godly being, that there's several key attributes which must therefore be ascribed to such to be worthy of worship.
First and foremost, anyone who ASKS to be worshiped, doesn't deserve it. By default, this means that the god of the bible is unworthy of my attention. Therefore, I don't believe in "god" in the christian sense at all. There's too much encouragement of wars, stupidity, and drama that's retarded. The whole story arc with Noah and the ark's a great example... god tries to kill EVERYONE, but decided last minute that he'd give one person the option to avoid death... but only if he worked really hard for it. Why? God sees past, present and future, surly he knew whether Noah would actually do it or not before he actually did it, so why the need for a test? God DOES NOT NEED TESTS IF HE IS GOD. PERIOD. There's no argument here. No discussion. No debate. If he can see everything and knows all ends, including the future, flat out he never needs to test anyone for his sake EVER. The only tests that would be incurred are to have that individual learn and grow, because we learn through conflict, be it emotional, a war, or just from a challenge we overcome. But we need to face conflict, so all the crap that happens in our lives, including our own deaths, is used to strengthen yeurself, or someone else.
Well at least that's how it seems to work. One thing I have noticed is that anything bad that happens to me, no matter how awful it was at the time... it needed to happen for me to be who I am. If it hadn't occurred, I wouldn't be 'me' right now. As such, I'm fine with that.
There's also the fact that things seem to just occur in a certain set of rules as well... not necessarily karma or luck, but there does seem to be a pattern. For example, if I give away my last $20, guaranteed absolutely 100% chance within the next week I'll find $20 either in a couch cushion, a government cheque I'd somehow lost and forgotten about, or something like that, and I will get it back every single time. I've tested this repeatedly, it ALWAYS works. Now is this the hand of god? I doubt it honestly. That kind of thing would be stupid to make it a manual action every single time, it seems more like a consistent formula or something. If yeu do X, then Y will occur. The rest of the universe works on patterns, we usually express them via mathematics to explain how they work, but they work regardless of math; 'math' is just the description of the pattern, nothing more. It would not surprise me for this to be just one more such pattern, just perhaps a bit more complex. It may be just as mathematical, we just haven't found a way to logically and numerically express intrapersonal relationships and subjective actions yet is all.
That being said... this's not proof of god at all. Just evidence supporting the concept of specific rules to reality. God need not exist for these rules to still exist and apply.
Now... there is some evidence which makes me believe that there *MAY* be some higher form listening in on things, but I severely doubt that they're controlling very much directly. It seems to be more gentle nudges and such. Adjusting things on a minor scale for a larger effect in time.
People praying for "zomg don't let this person die of cancer!" is kinda pointless to me... if yeu believe god chooses when they live, and when they die, then WTH do yeu expect him to change his mind just because yeu ask him to? Honestly, if anything, it's a test, a task to be overcome, something to learn from. If the test is for their relatives to experience that pain of loosing someone, then it's going to happen regardless. Asking it not to happen is silly and won't change anything.
Instead, whot yeu should be asking, is if it's a test for THAT person to overcome it... to make sure that they have the strength to do so, and to have the people they need to support them to be able to do so. Indirect things which can affect the outcome. If they're supposed to die, then ask that those that are supposed to learn the lessons from it to learn them fully, so they don't have to learn it over and over until they get it right.
In any case, prayers are not "give me anything I ask for". That's really going against the purpose of living in the first place. If yeu have a cheat code to a game, and abuse it, yeu never learn how to play the game. Sometimes yeu run into something a little bit harder than yeu can handle though and need a nudge to help yeu out... then a minor bump can be useful. But to have everything handed to yeu nets yeu nothing. Yeu learn nothing, yeu gain nothing, and ultimately, yeu are nothing and return to nothing, no better than yeu started.
As such, I seek only to make sure I can face the trials I'm given. If something's a bit past my capacity, I ask to be given whot I need to progress, and to recognize the opportunities when they present themselves. I don't want to cheat at life, I just want it to be a fair fight is all, or at the very least, have a chance to succeed and not be screwed before I even start.
Anyways, that eventually brings us to, if I'm praying, then who am I praying to if I don't really believe in god as such?
Well... that's a bit complex. 'God' in the description given, doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned. If he *DOES* exist, then I seriously don't like the guy, have no respect for him, and refuse to worship him.
Rather, I try to understand as many culture's definitions of spirits, god, etc and so on, and make sense of which is the most likely, or whether there may be multiple occurrences, and try to make sense of it that way.
So far... I have no clue. I figure though, that if there is a god, or gods, and they would have been worthy of worship, they'd be at least as smart as I am though, otherwise they wouldn't deserve it. If it's obvious that there's no possible way to choose the "right" religion out of thousands of choices, all claiming to be "The one true one!", then obviously it's not the choice that matters, but the decision behind the choice. Whether yeu pick Buddhism or Christianity, it doesn't matter. If god, in any shape or form, exists, and is worthy of worship, they'll understand if yeu're trying yeur best to learn and make an educated decision. Those who just go with whotever their parents did without even thinking about WHY they believe? Yeah I think they're screwed honestly. It's not about picking 'right'. NOT A SINGLE RELIGION IS RIGHT. They're all wrong. They're made by humans, and we are flawed, we will misinterpret, distort, or fabricate any message that may've been accurate at one point. Noone knows the face of god or whot he really wants, every religion is wrong on the matter as well I bet, though some may be more accurate or closer to the truth than others. The point is, though, that it really is NOT about picking the "right" religion. Converting people is just stupid, because yeu have no way to prove yeu're of the 'real' religion... if yeu find $20, yeu praise god. If someone else found $20, they praise allah. So obviously yeu're using the same evidence, and forcing it to fit yeur own pre-determined answer. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. The point is to UNDERSTAND.
If yeu know why yeu made the decision, and thought it through, then that's where the real test lies. Not in picking a random number between 1 and 7,812. If yeu pick the right number, yeu go to heaven! Every single other one yeu go to hell! Yay! Uhm... no.
Seriously, if that's how it works, just let me burn, I don't want to be part of yeur heaven for the retarded. I'd hate it just as much as hell so I don't see the point of even trying.
But I digress... because I get off topic alot. So I tend to digress alot. Anyway >.>;
God is, to me, an ideal of whot this supposed potentially plausible "SOMETHING" that controls things is. It may be sentient, it may not be. But if it is, I try to base it off my values and understanding so that it makes sense to me. If there is a real god, I'd like to think they have some common sense here, more than they're ascribed to having in the holy books available.
I don't really "worship" as such... I am not about to go "zomg I am nothing!" to someone who... well... I don't even know if THEY are more than nothing. The whole "I'll just go along with it just in case they are real so I don't burn" yeah, that's great... I think I mentioned it's the intent of the decision, and understanding of it, not the decision itself that counts? Doing the right thing for the wrong reasons gets yeu nowhere...
So yeah... I can't, in good conscience, 'worship' something I can't even prove exists. I can't do it. It's not the way I was made, it's not how I think. If that means I burn for it, then God's an even bigger asshole than the books make him out to be... create me and design me so that I think this way, and then punishing me because of it. Really. That's like drawing a stick figure then yelling at it because it doesn't look like the mona lisa. Are yeu completely retarded? Apparently so if that's how yeu think about things...
Anyways, I don't worship, I simply figure I must provide some kind of entertainment of sorts if I'm doing anything right... since really that's about as much value as I must really have. All I can do is be respectful, thankful if something does seem like it may've been divinely adjusted. I can't go "thanks for saving my life!" because... I don't know that. All I can do is be grateful that, if I asked for something simple like to be able to just finish something I was working on without interruption, and I get it... then I can say thanks. It's not even really 'real' respect though, that would require proof of deed. Generally my prayers end up more like "if yeu exist, and if yeu did help, then thanks, otherwise ignore that." XD
But yeah.
I actually do have a name I go by, or at least a term I use for the one(s) I do pray to. It's kind of generic but I find it fitting.
In the bible, there's several references of god as being 'a shepherd'. And we are his flock of sheep.
I find this idea revolting.
Seriously, a shepherd *ONLY* tends to his flock because they are worth money to him. He doesn't care about them so much that he'd really do much for them if he wasn't getting something out of the deal disproportionate to the effort he put in. The bible's version of god, the only reason he cares about us is we worship him. The only reason humans exist, is because his angels killed each other off so they were too busy being DEAD or following that Lucifer guy to worship him anymore, so he needed more people to sing his praises. That's disgusting and egotistical and I refuse to accept that line of reasoning.
Rather, I actually suggest entirely the inverse of it.
I pray to my 'god' of sorts, by referring to him (her, it?) as 'my alpha', as in the alpha male of a pack of wolves. The pack leader gets first dibs on food, on decisions, and generally is 'top dog' for obvious reasons. But at the same time, due to the breeding style, the alpha is generally also the father figure of virtually the entirety of the rest of the pack, figuratively, and quite often literally as well. He directly cares about whot happens to them. He may be in charge and take his share as larger and before anyone else, but he ensures the others don't starve either. If a pack member is too weak to hunt, he'll do it for them. Though the rest of the pack is 'beneath' him, he still cares for them as his own, and would fight to the death to protect them as well.
My image of this, my alpha, is to be a mentor, a father figure, strength when needed, wisdom when required, and support when no other exists.
Whether he is just a figment of my imagination, another name for a god that already exists, or a non sentient mathematical formula, who knows. I really DON'T know. But if there has been anything I've been given, it's only right to be thankful for such, even if yeu can't tell who yeur 'secret admirer' is. It's still nice to be thankful that yeu received a gift, even if yeu're not sure who it's from.
As I can't prove existence, I can't provide praise. If he showed himself to me to my face unmistakably, then yes. As that hasn't occurred, then I can only figure that it can't be that big of a deal for him, or he doesn't exist. If the latter is true, then if I say thanks for anything I was given, if I was given nothing, then I have given no thanks. If it was given, then at least recognition is there.
In any case, I do believe there's a likely probability of there being some higher being. And I figure that they'll also understand that, even though I almost certainly "got it wrong", at least I did whot made sense, and actually thought it through, instead of following blindly. I figure they'll appreciate that more than just saying the words and not knowing why they're said.
Perhaps I'll find out I'm wrong, and will burn forever. I have no idea. I can't see there being any god worth worshiping that would blame me for that though, so I don't see it happening, but I could be wrong.
In the end, I can't know until I'm dead, and by then, when I finally know... it'll be too late to do anything about it. So really, all I can do is try my best.
Anyways, that's basically my belief, more or less, some stuff missing I'm sure from that, but it's the generalized concept there. Strange, I know, but there yeu have it.