I don't want to get old, but I refuse to burden myself with these thoughts because that in itself will make me age faster.
That's pretty 7ish , isn't it.
My father is a 7w8. He's 68, hardly has any wrinkles, and looks badass with his muscles and electric guitar.
I was stricken with a chronic illness that almost killed me when I was 16. I have not had the life of a 'young person' since then. I am bound by medications and knowing I could suddenly get very sick and lose everything, and even die at any time. Everything I build up - job, band, long hair - ends up being taken away from me from my illness, and I have to continue building things, knowing that I have no control over holding on to them.
Getting old is the least of my problems in terms of illness. At least when I'm 40, some of my friends will relate to my problems and I won't be like an old person stuck in a young body. At least then my lovers won't feel "tied down" and "burdened" by my problems (I take care of myself, but I can't stay out late, be around smoke, go to loud parties, go on vacation etc.) because having health problems at an older age is more acceptable. Being "tied down" at an older age is more acceptable.
However I am worried about being unattractive. It worries me when I notice signs that my age (33) is finally catching up with me. Up until last year I was mistaken for 20 and now I am often taken for 25, 28… etc. It's scary.
Luckily, attractiveness is not my greatest asset. I've never had big boobs or a small waist or perfect features. What draws people to me is my mind and creativity, and my passion. So if I hold on to that, way past my time, I'll have a one-up on everyone else my age, who lost it due to strife. I've had more medical strife than most people three times my age and I still bounce around like a teenager and giggle and move like a cat. What will defeat me? Nothing. While my friends are going through mid-life crisis, I already did that when I was 17, and survived and learned to walk again. While my other friends are confronting doctors and having to change their diets, I already did that. While everyone else has wrinkles, I've been wearing sunscreen since I have been on antibiotics steadily since age 16. I haven't drank much or smoked at all because I would die. I eat vegetables and meat, and when I fuck up my diet I get sick fast; everyone else will need to get used to this and for me it's a breeze. Actually, the older I get, the more competitive I am within my age group. I look ten years younger than most of my peers my age. I didn't get tied down with kids and ex-husbands. I have baggage that isn't my fault, but I have collected less extraneous baggage than other women who did not have health concerns reminding them to be sane. Etc. In a way, my competitive SX spirit tells me that aging will just give me a one-up, whereas my problems made me less desirable in my youth.
But I'm still pissed that at this point, most 22 year old women look better than I do. This really upsets me and makes me jealous. It also pisses me off that I can't express my passions in glorious photoshoots the way I used to because I simply don't look as good.
If there's anything I learned from my 7w8 father on the topic of aging, it's that you DO stay young if you focus on the future and the positive side of things. If you keep perspective about your assets and faults, and try to focus on expanding your assets rather than beating yourself up for faults, you DO stay younger. It may be more natural for him than it is for me, but I have still seen the example and I know it works. I have always had his voice in one ear telling me how great I am, and the devil in the other ear telling me how much I suck, and that I'm not enough. I've learned to reframe this: "I'm not enough YET, but if I keep striving, one day I will be closer to my ideal self and I will be loved." My thinking can be very 7ish in its own rite.