Right after my sister got out of the hospital, she was waiting at the front of the building for my dad to bring the car around because she was too weak to walk across the parking lot. She noticed a very sad-looking older lady standing near her who was also waiting for someone to come pick her up.
Jaye smiled at her a little because she said the lady looked so forlorn and sad. The lady smiled back and said something cavalier, remarked what pretty roses Jaye had in her arms, but Jaye asked why she was there, and the lady said that her husband had cancer from the job he worked for decades and was in a coma. She was leaving to go home and sleep after along vigil and her brother-in-law was arriving to take the next bed-side shift.
Jaye, after fighting for her own life, felt so sorry and sad for that lady - she wanted to hug her, but decided not to because Jaye said "I needed a bath" - but she gave the lady her roses. The lady looked astonished, then started to cry a little. Jaye found out that the lady's husband was in the hospital room occupied by me only a week before.
"We'll pray for you," Jaye said. "We'll pray for you and your husband."
When she got home, she was so distressed for that lady that I suggested we send flowers to his room with a card that read "From the girl with the roses... I didn't forget."
I know what it would mean to me to have someone remember me and take my struggle seriously, take it to heart when I feel the most alone and drowning. That level of kindness obliterates me, but it brings me closer to my center again after bracing and bracing against the hard knocks.
I'm pretty wary of people saying other people are fake. I've known an ISTJ for a long time who says a lot of things are fake from a lot of people whom I know to be genuine, and over the years I've realized that it's because for him, the only way he could show such responses would be to fake them, so he assumes other people aren't capable of them in a genuine way either. But obviously, just cos he's not capable of genuinely showing excitement at seeing a friend or relative by coincidence in a café (for example), it doesn't mean nobody else is.
When I'm sad or feeling negative in any way, I absolutely DO NOT want it "acknowledged" or paid any attention to at all by anyone else, openly. I want to be left alone, for it to not be mentioned and for me to be free to work it out by myself when I'm alone, unless I specifically approach someone asking for their advice. So I guess I tend to think, if I do notice that someone's down, that I should respect their personal space and not intrude, not say anything about it unless they solicit it.
For ENTPs, they love my emotional happiness, caring, love, and positive feelings. However any display of unhappiness or pain makes them shun me. So when unhappy, I actually can not be sincere around most of them, with the exception of two very close friends. It is something I have been observing and working the past few months. It is very subtle and I dont think they are aware they do it. Even changes of vocal tone or facial expression are enough to make them withdraw a bit. For me, it is not ideal as it is rejection of my Fi. The ESTPs are even more apparent about this. So sincere happy makes them happy. Sincere sad makes them shun me.
I must apologize. I couldn’t see this from the inside.
A state of Fe feels very calm, relaxed, benevolent. Fe evokes Fe in other Fe users-calm, relaxed, benevolence amplifying. As a group we are together, loved. Fi is love, but love tinged with pain. It hurts to use, even in the good times.
For myself in an Fe state, a burst of Fi or Te from another person feels very disruptive, anxiety provoking. The calm waters were disrupted. I hesitantly suggest that a dom or aux Fe user is very stable in Fe, so the “burst” will provoke, but it is very easy to soothe internally.
Perhaps tert Fe users have a harder time finding that quiet Fe spot? For me, cheating, I lose it often, but once found, it is soothing. (Fe is like a valium coated lollipop of benevolent love). So the tert Fe users avoid Fi/Te “bursts” as internally it feels annoying, distracting, disruptive of the smooth waters?
“Why is that person being so self centered and selfish?” (thus pulling me away from my quiet, happy, productive place). I would suggest the more subtle aversion to other’s Fi pain-the shunning observed above- is almost an unconscious reflex/cringe, a learned pattern to avert the Fe disruption.
Interestingly, you can show a EXTP pain and they will respond-it just has to be expressed in an Fe way, the right words, gestures, expressions. Subtle Fe waves that form interference patterns as the two Fe waves lap into each other. It is actually very beautiful.
nope, I suspect that other people are nice because they want something, even if its just an interesting interaction where they could learn something. Isn't that why EVERYONE is nice to other people?
nope, I suspect that other people are nice because they want something, even if its just an interesting interaction where they could learn something. Isn't that why EVERYONE is nice to other people?