S
Society
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The more i tried to get a better grasp of the enneagram, the fuzzier it gets, and the weaker my notions are regarding what type i might be.
initially i thought i was a 4w5, because self exploration, the search for the genuine, finding myself in all the shapes i can fit into and in studying my own patterns with with i grow and retract, becoming meaningful, differentiating myself, have long being integral and seemingly intrinsic elements of the way i have conducted throughout my life, my very way of thought. someone i knew a long time ago once gave me that nice outside insight which i find to be true, that my ego never breaks because any failure and experience is a new discovery to be made about myself, and that is very true.
but then i learned that statistically, in a research taking hundreds of samples, there has not being one ENTP 4s. so is it possible i am not an ENTP? doubtful. it has being suggested that i might be an ENFP, but even that suggestion got retracted fast - i can often be NeFe but i have no signs of Fi or Te. xSTP makes 4 just as unlikely, and i am to heavy in my Ne use to make it plausible. ofcourse, that didn't make it impossible, just extremely implausible. but then the next stop was the deeper description of 4s behavior, describing a need to be away from their partners in order to miss them, describing a constant jealousy of others... neither of those are attributes i relate too.
the next stop was 7w6. initially the description of the 7 seemed quite alien to me - i am not a party animal at all. i do take risky endeavors, as my profile bio might suggest, and that has being a persistent theme in my life choices perhaps, many of which have burned me quite a bit... but those aren't particularly "adventure" oriented for me, they are just calculated (or miscalculated) risks, mainly within the areas related to finances, travel, relationship and matters of trust. i do seek new experiences, but mainly when i get curious about myself - when i am wondering how i would react in a situation i try to seek that situation. another contradiction with the 7 stereotype is that in relationships i am extremely loyal, while outside of relationships i am far from the notion of a "player", hell I've being separated for a year now and have yet to have anything outside of my marriage (i probably should at least seek it for my own mental health, but... meh).
but then a deeper description of the 7w6 in relationships strikes a cord, mainly with one thought, "if my exwife would hear this, she'd shout 'that is him'...". but i do not honestly know to what extent my clingy behaviors where due to the threat of loosing my son and to what extent i was genuinely clinging to her, in my mind at the time it was him, but i can't dismiss the possibility that its rationalization dismissing one part of the truth for another. yet the relationship part is truly the only part i emphasize with, and more so, how can i possibly be a 7w6 without having anything any significant portion of the traits that suppose to describe the 7? that doesn't make any sense to me.
last suggestion was a 3w2w1, in which the wing 1 & 3 somehow overthrew the 2 itself. according to that theory, the 2s classical description is biased towards xxFJ mbti types based on people the authors of such descriptions thought are a 2, and could simply be "written wrong". the problem with this is that it combines the problems of both cases above: not only would i be a wing sub-type without being the main enneagram type (twice), but i would be breaking even further away from the notion of what the enneagram type is then it does with the 4w5, which could just as well be said to have being written for introverted 4s. more so, i can't help but think the slippery slope argument isn't such a fallacy here - if i start from the assumption that types are "written wrong" then i can be any type.
as far as instinctual stacking are concerned, i share both traits of the sx/so and sx/sp, while gravitating towards the first.
at this point i am completely clueless about my ennegram type. would welcome any help on the matter, and would readily answer any questions that might help in the typing process.
initially i thought i was a 4w5, because self exploration, the search for the genuine, finding myself in all the shapes i can fit into and in studying my own patterns with with i grow and retract, becoming meaningful, differentiating myself, have long being integral and seemingly intrinsic elements of the way i have conducted throughout my life, my very way of thought. someone i knew a long time ago once gave me that nice outside insight which i find to be true, that my ego never breaks because any failure and experience is a new discovery to be made about myself, and that is very true.
but then i learned that statistically, in a research taking hundreds of samples, there has not being one ENTP 4s. so is it possible i am not an ENTP? doubtful. it has being suggested that i might be an ENFP, but even that suggestion got retracted fast - i can often be NeFe but i have no signs of Fi or Te. xSTP makes 4 just as unlikely, and i am to heavy in my Ne use to make it plausible. ofcourse, that didn't make it impossible, just extremely implausible. but then the next stop was the deeper description of 4s behavior, describing a need to be away from their partners in order to miss them, describing a constant jealousy of others... neither of those are attributes i relate too.
the next stop was 7w6. initially the description of the 7 seemed quite alien to me - i am not a party animal at all. i do take risky endeavors, as my profile bio might suggest, and that has being a persistent theme in my life choices perhaps, many of which have burned me quite a bit... but those aren't particularly "adventure" oriented for me, they are just calculated (or miscalculated) risks, mainly within the areas related to finances, travel, relationship and matters of trust. i do seek new experiences, but mainly when i get curious about myself - when i am wondering how i would react in a situation i try to seek that situation. another contradiction with the 7 stereotype is that in relationships i am extremely loyal, while outside of relationships i am far from the notion of a "player", hell I've being separated for a year now and have yet to have anything outside of my marriage (i probably should at least seek it for my own mental health, but... meh).
but then a deeper description of the 7w6 in relationships strikes a cord, mainly with one thought, "if my exwife would hear this, she'd shout 'that is him'...". but i do not honestly know to what extent my clingy behaviors where due to the threat of loosing my son and to what extent i was genuinely clinging to her, in my mind at the time it was him, but i can't dismiss the possibility that its rationalization dismissing one part of the truth for another. yet the relationship part is truly the only part i emphasize with, and more so, how can i possibly be a 7w6 without having anything any significant portion of the traits that suppose to describe the 7? that doesn't make any sense to me.
last suggestion was a 3w2w1, in which the wing 1 & 3 somehow overthrew the 2 itself. according to that theory, the 2s classical description is biased towards xxFJ mbti types based on people the authors of such descriptions thought are a 2, and could simply be "written wrong". the problem with this is that it combines the problems of both cases above: not only would i be a wing sub-type without being the main enneagram type (twice), but i would be breaking even further away from the notion of what the enneagram type is then it does with the 4w5, which could just as well be said to have being written for introverted 4s. more so, i can't help but think the slippery slope argument isn't such a fallacy here - if i start from the assumption that types are "written wrong" then i can be any type.
as far as instinctual stacking are concerned, i share both traits of the sx/so and sx/sp, while gravitating towards the first.
at this point i am completely clueless about my ennegram type. would welcome any help on the matter, and would readily answer any questions that might help in the typing process.