well yeah...and i'm saying you should take then seriously regardless if they're venting or they want advice...or if it's family and it really bothers you just say...you know i'm awful at this...maybe talk to...some other family member about it...idk...was just trying to help...because that sort of give and take is important when relating to people and you either care to cultivate it or you don't.
See, it's just that my mind goes blank in those situations. I just don't get sympathetic easily. I'm just always stuck on myself also. I have a
really hard time becoming interested in someone else's affairs unless it directly affects me or it's an area I'm interested in.
In what way? Is the idea of having friends or loving someone conformity?
Well, you just said earlier that:
So, how many of those activities involve people other than yourself? Besides work and school you seem pretty isolated unless you go to a gym and work out. In order to meet other people in your natural life, your natural life needs to consist of other people actually being around. That's the only reason I gave the suggestions -- to get other people with the same interests integrated into your natural activities. For me, I've learned that I can't always rely on others to "find me" and pull me out of my isolation and aloofness. Sometimes you have to be proactive about something and seek out company if you want it. The real question you have to ask yourself, like Beat and ceecee already said is, "Do you want it?"
You said I was looking for love because other people seemed to be finding it and enjoying it, so I wanted to experience what other people were enjoying. That, to me, sounds like conformity.
I'm just trying to find a genuine reason why I would seek out people in a manner that isn't part of my "natural" life. That just isn't natural. I guess, for others, it's fine, but it's so forced. I've tried it. I'm not looking to try it again partly because of the failure, and also mostly because I wouldn't allow that kind of thing in my life. Intentionally socializing just to...mingle? WTF? I guess I just look at it also as adding acquaintances to my life that probably aren't going to be important to me. Kind of an oxymoron for acquaintances, you know?
yeah...i agree...you either want to have good relations with other people or not...and just like any goal you set for yourself...you will learn how to do it if you decide it's a worthwhile goal.
so...step one...put it on your to do list...
step 2...figure out appropriate ways to communicate
step 3...set appropriate expectations or expect to be disappointed.
this is my attempt at speaking your language...really not trying to be shitty...okay.
People actually make it a goal to meet people? And find success with it? And actually feel better after the success? I'm just trying to understand the concept. I'm not trying to sound anti-social. It's just I've spent a lot of time doing things that I was pursuing as a genuine personal interest, and made some amazing friends, but no real romantic interests.
My ISTJ wife is a lot like that. She is EXTREMELY private, and does not like people knowing much about her. Myself, on the other hand, I am... very much not that. I don't care who knows.
The difference between you and her is she can relate to other people, but chooses not to. When you are one of the people she cares about she can open up to the other person. You are part of the inner circle.
The only problem is when life gets to be a bit much and the people she loves/cares for stop being in the inner circle, and the inner circle only consists of herself. Is that possibly what is going on with you? Did you ever have a close relationship? A parent? Sibling? Best friend?
When I have a significant problem in my life, I'll spend a considerable amount of time trying to fix it on my own. I honestly hate relying on other people. It makes me feel weak. I've tried to convince myself to be ok with it that it's a journey to actual independence, but...not really working out.
I've had a considerable amount of "close friends." People I told a lot of things to, but...I've never really had someone that I just felt emotionally attached to. even like a best friend, that I could count on. I'm very close to my oldest sister. I mean, how would you define close? A level of trust based on experience with the person, or an emotional attachment? I can trust her with a lot of things, but I tend to hold back a lot of my thoughts.
I could be wrong but it seemed like he wanted to make more connections with people in real life?
You have two choices. You can settle on the notion that connections are supposed to happen naturally and without effort and just wait for them to happen when they do, or you can do a few things to speed that process up and make them happen.
The former sounds more enticing to me. I don't recall saying I wanted to make more connections. I just stated why relationships are difficult for me. It's not like I'm saying, "Give me a reason to want to love someone." It just seems to me that so many other people try so much harder to find love than I do, and apparently they're successful, but it's just that amount of effort that I'm not interested in. That's why I was just hoping I'd find interesting people at school, but even there it's hard to find a reason to "mingle" other than to tell people what they're doing wrong. It's so easy to just close myself off.
I don't know. I need to think about it some more. I feel like I'm just rambling.