Why am I chasing the idea of love? The idea of random socializing or dating doesn't appeal to me. It's not an easy skill for me to acquire, hence I haven't acquired the ability to chat up random people enough for them to want to talk to me after our initial meeting. Why should I even care, though?
I think you care and are chasing the idea of love because you realize something that other people enjoy is missing (to an extent) in your life. As the saying goes, "No man is an island."
The second part of your above statment brings you back to something you previously said:
A lot of my problem is just that I don't understand when people are talking to you about their problems just to vent. I don't get it. Whenever someone complains to me, I either seek a solution, or tell them that their complaining doesn't help us accomplish what we're doing right now. -- I'll analyze the problem, and come to a logical conclusion that you probably won't like.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, because that's not my intention, but you came to this thread with your own problem/complaint and others are here giving you advice...and yet you're not liking the suggestions people have come up with. Are you just coming to vent, or do you actually want advice that you probably won't like? All types have a different and valid perspective.
IMO, if you really want to get to know people, you're going to have to lower your expectations. I'm not telling you to lower your standards, but don't expect things to be magnificent from the beginning. Relationships don't just happen spontaneously -- they are the result of two people putting in time and effort. Some happen more naturally, others don't.
Is it really just so horrible for a person to be so immensely deliberative about it? I guess if I haven't had a relationship, and I don't find it a priority to seek people out on a daily basis outside of the oogling at attractive people, then there must be something wrong with me. I mean, other people view ISTJs as this secretive prude, apparently.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you...like most ISTJs you don't see dating or friendship as something to do to simply to fill up your time. If you're going to be friends or have a relationship with someone then it needs to be built on a solid foundation that will last. You also have to remember that ISTJs and other introverts are not the only people who have walls up around them. To a certain extent, everyone has walls and likely the same insecurities that you have. It takes time and exposure for those walls to begin to come down as you become more comfortable with one another. If you write people off and judge too quickly you're only doing a disservice to the both of you. Sometimes you have to get through the petty small talk as the people are feeling you out before they are willing to jump into substantial, deeper conversations with you.
Some suggestions that have helped me:
-Do activities with people in the beginning -- For me, conversation comes so much more naturally if I'm working on something, or walking, or doing anything that doesn't focus solely on the other person. Group projects for school are the perfect opportunity to socialize with people in your classes. Most extroverts in the group will get off task anyway. Just go with the flow, become engaged in their off-topic conversation, and go against your natural impulse to keep everyone on task. Socializing in college also becomes a lot easier once you're into your major classes.
-Find people who have common interests. I was lucky, I studied abroad...it made learning to socialize so much easier. I was stuck with the same 15 people for 3 months of my life...you realize pretty quickly that you either learn to get along, you navigate a foreign country alone (not recommended), or you kill one another -- socializing seemed like the best option. People can be suprisingly wonderful once you open up. Yes, vulnerability sucks, and it's terrifying...and yet, the risk is worth it if you choose quality people.
- In finding people with common interests try
Use the Internet to get off the Internet! - Meetup.com, or if you'd rather find a date, then you could always try online dating. Use a site like match.com that you actually have to pay for -- that way you weed out a lot of people simply because people who are paying will likely take it more seriously. Then, you can safely meet people online, and by the time you finally decide on someone to meet you know you already have stuff in common.
Yes. It gets easier the more you do it, and practice makes perfect.
She speaks the truth.