My first boyfriend was ISTJ. He was the most possessive, jealous guy I've ever been involved with. It got downright controlling at times. At first it was sort of endearing. Naturally that wore thin after awhile.
& Defrag, I had similar issues when it came to bringing up morals/values/etc of my own. Just concepts I'd try to present him with would be immediately rejected, end-of-discussion sort of deal.
Hmph.
Yup,
"my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.
yes. i would caution you, defrag, to test the waters soundly in the jealousy realm before getting very serious. my hubby is ixtj (thought intj at first, but now i'm leaning more istj) but the number one thing i knew was a problem was his jealousy issues. he had them way back in high school to his first real gf. since i met him young (first year in college) i didn't realize just how toxic it could become
over time. as infj, i was always very touchy-feely and warm to people, but he quickly let me know i had to draw the line with guys there. that was okay by me then because i had mostly gfs and was looking forward to a career in midwifery, which puts me predominantly around women. so it was never much of a challenge for him or us.
however, as this 21 year relationship rolls along, and i become more self-actualized (if you will), i sincerely feel that guy energy is missing from my life. guy friends, going out and having the occasional flirting with guys as women are wont to do, etc. but he is having a very hard time with it. it isn't logical at all for him to be so jealous, and i've talked and talked with him about it til we're sick and tired of the subject. he admits he's jealous, but also believes he has a right to be....that i'm his woman and he doesn't want 'his woman' to do x, y, or z. almost like i'm his possession. this is the single most difficult thing in my marriage i have had to deal with, and even though it can seem little at first, it becomes big over time to feel controlled.
what would i have done differently? asserted those needs more, or those potential needs. it wasn't really a need at the time to be friendly with men, so i let it go. gave in. i think nfs can do this for the sake of getting along and making their mate feel good or better.......but sometimes i think that way of being just pushes problems off to the side. but i would NOW absolutely have made it clear i would have whatever guy friends i wanted. that i would go out with my friends and do what girls do, within reason, and that i wasn't going to be subversively forced to give in to his jealousy or control. i would have instituted therapy even, knowing what i know now.
but i'm super happy with my istj otherwise....he's amazing and super loyal and loves me deeply after all these years. thinks i'm his goddess! there is really nothing he won't do for me.