I appreciate the advice, but I fear there is something much more fundamental than typology going on here. We had a great time Monday, but when I made my romantic interest clear, she froze up and told me that she simply doesn't have romantic relationships with men. She has told me about her coldness before, and she has lacked affection in the past, and I thought it was just past bitterness, but this was a very clear and harrowing statement of her emotional indifference. She says that she can only sleep with men for whom she doesn't feel anything emotionally. When I asked why, she just said that that is how she is, and has been since middle school.
After talking with some friends and doing some research, it is becoming very clear to me that this is a case of childhood sexual trauma. She is estranged from her father, who it seems was divorced from her mother right around the time she would have been reaching sexual maturity. The fidgeting in intimate situations, the trust issues, the fear of eye contact, and the aversion to even friendly affection would all seem to point in that direction. Abused people tend to associate affections with the affections their abusers used to lure them into sexual contact, so this makes sense.
She hasn't said anything openly about it, but gets especially sensitive when I suggest that her emotional withdrawal may be the result of some prior circumstances rather than something inherent in her nature.
To be completely honest, I'm crushed by whole situation. The ironic thing is that we had the best time we have ever have had on Monday, and I can tell that she is sharing her personality with me in a way that she does with almost nobody, but for that very reason she must grow cold to my affections. I doubt she would be open to therapy at this time, and gets very sensitive about the subject. She enchants me, and I want to see the sparks of happiness she has emitted for me grow into something more fulfilling. Yet every step I take in even bringing it up risks her cutting it all off out of fear and sinking even further into the hellishly detached way of living she has carved out for herself. I feel totally helpless. As an INTP male, I rarely meet women I would even be remotely compatible with, and to have this rare desire and affection made so dirty and complicated really hurts me. I rarely care, and here I care so deeply, yet this beautiful, wonderful girl is too broken to let me care.
PS: In case you think I may be jumping the gun, there is more evidence for the abuse beyond what I have here. I don't want this post to become too identifiable, so PM me if you are curious.
Also, if you aren't familiar with signs of past abuse, this is a good link:
http://www.sasian.org/pdf/adsurcxa.pdf