1. So he would have you believe. If ever you see an ENFP unaware of how his words are being received, look again. Perhaps if he had not known you to have any feelings for him, past or present, this could be the case. But it is not so, and his words are calculated accordingly.
2. As to whether he may not know just how strongly you feel, this is probably true in my opinion. But he's not totally clueless - not about this at least. You're a pragmatic person, what's the favorable outcome of you explaining yourself like this? At best, he would make attempts not to be flirty, which is apparently against his nature. I see why you're talking to us instead. If he saw this thread, would that be a good thing or a bad thing? I'm sure he would feel great knowing that you've been putting in time to ask netbuddies questions about him for the past couple of weeks, Yoda knows I would, but you will get out of this situation more cleanly if you use the back door.
Into -
What has been highlighted here are the limitations of a third-party advice and a one-sided explanation. Human error (particularly when the mind's agitated) combined with missing data taints the reality one perceives. As good intentioned an individual may be, it is both faulty and presumptuous to assume too much about the other party's reasoning without their commentaries, or unbiased evidence. (There's an agreement with the_state_i_am_in.) For example, if a culturally diverse audience is asked to analyze a silent film, how many interpretations will exactly align with someone else's? Anything beyond a description of the character's actions is merely theoretical.
Working with these limitations, I aimed to address the possibilities, while I cautiously refrained forming an attachment to either. This is where a third-party (online) contribution is restrained: they have not experienced the circumstances themselves. What if a key factor was overlooked by the speaker? Knowing someone has a history of mental illnesses, economic troubles, etc., per se, could tamper the entire situation and I left an open door for such a case.
I anticipate situational clarity, personal development and lasting improvement in every applicable department. The said ENFP's input would be highly valuable: it could shine light upon my own ignorance or emphasize what I did correctly. This information holds the power to modify the weak links in my future investigations concerning similar elements. Only the ENFP himself knows precisely why he choose to act the way he did, and even a simplistic answer will reveal his subconscious core desires (ex: craving external validation to compensate for internal emptiness). It furthermore gives me a worthier substance than his superficial behavior (re: being a prick) and excuses (re: "self-righteousness and superiority") to base my decisions on.
My top strategy rarely changes unless I am faced with drastic consequences. Because I desire consistently similar or better results, I will keep switching tactics until they are met. It implies that I may utilize a compassionate, yet longer, approach one day and a shorter, impersonal method another. Therefore, all these choices are reliant on the environment and the accessible facts; one new fact changes the next few advances. Sometimes the back door is the ideal or the worst. Just play the choices by ear.
- L
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I asked the question how does an INTJ forgive because it felt like such a strange question to formulate. I forget a lot of things, but I'm not sure it's that easy to forgive, certainly not forgiving before change has taken place. The peril of approaching the world with a judgment function and an unfamiliar set of feelings, I guess.
The forgiveness in question isn't actually granted to the other person. No, it's to be granted by Scientist to herself. I imagine it's the equivalent of letting oneself feel sad and agreeing that the sadness can in time pass.
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Disclaimer: IMO>
Personally, I have adopted an "I live for tomorrow; yesterday can screw itself" policy. There's nothing that leaves a nasty taste like suddenly moving backwards from unpleasant memories. Instead I use my deepest sorrows to move forwards by establishing small approachable goals for myself that will inspire a fulfilling victory (and heal the wounds). Yes, it will hurt, it will be unfamiliar, it will frighten and it will seduce me to take the easiest way out. But I have a decision -- to let these feelings consume my mind or remain firm to my principles (productivity, integrity & making sound, fair judgments). If these emotions are painful enough for me to
seriously consider the former, then it is a clear indication that I am pushed to my limits. Healing would now have a greater importance. Consequently, I would temporarily resign from those negative influences because my ability to function has been conceded. I'll come back as soon as I am able to reasonably maintain myself.
I forgive quickly, though it is not a main focus, because changing how I 'surfacely' feel doesn't alter what has happened or the underlying root causes. I'd turn off the emotional noise as much as possible, to focus on how I can
constructively regain what I have lost -- a peace of mind, self-control, etc. You're absolutely right that forgiveness is something to be granted by oneself. Jumping to forgiveness before you're ready only adds a burden to your discomfort and potentially, others.
Taking action towards a compromise is what gives me the most satisfaction. I'm comforted knowing my skills are being put to use and my principles aren't being dissuaded by frivolous feelings. So it's important that everyone find their own method of healing since they have their personal set of priorities, emotional triggers, and values. There's no such thing as one 'right' method. And it's good theScientist has already uncovered hers.