So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.
I'm sx/sp, pretty certain that I'm sp over so. Blazing sx, though.
It's probably worth nothing that, in addition to being social-last, the Enneagram type I relate to the absolute least is 2. I don't get their motivations
at all, and consequently, for an sx, I think I seem a lot more distant in relationships. Less smothering, less nurturing, not even remotely driven to merge and start a family, stuff like that. I feel unsettled when people talk about finding soul mates to "complete" them.
With that in mind, I believe that my sx manifests primarily with activities and interests moreso than people (although it still does, just...not in the romantic ways more often described). I don't just
like things, I fall head over heels for them. I turn activities into a way of life; interests become my identity. Strip them away, and I would feel lost, like I wouldn't know who I was. I'm competitive and excitable; I fixate on thrilling new ideas and pursue them like a heat-seeking missile. Naturally, I think I'm attracted to intensity in others while being turned off by traditional approaches.
And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
I fear the natural progression of relationships; I fear the concept of complacency. I feel as though my partner will take me for granted at this stage, that things will become routine, boring, and passionless. That the butterflies will melt away and suddenly, we'll be just another couple with differences and difficulties. I know that things are kinda supposed to evolve like that, that those problems are supposed to be overcome, and that we're supposed to feel closer as a couple than ever before. Yet, I often struggle with feelings of asphyxiation and I find them very frightening. One could suggest that I have commitment issues to some degree.
I crave excitement and intensity, all the time, and I know that this is an unrealistic want...but I can't seem to stop it. Although I will not cheat, I tend to involuntarily develop Wandering Eye Syndrome when I (subconsciously) feel starved of stimulation.
I think it would help if I learned to process what it means when a boyfriend says "I love you," but unfortunately, I still haven't felt the weight of those words. This is probably linked to some rather nasty trust issues and the emotional baggage of yesteryear. I can't bring myself to believe that any significant other is being sincere or
really thinking about what he's saying when he suggests that he loves me.
I think I might be a wounded romantic, deep down.
What would you describe as your ideal relationship?
Best friends who fuck.
Playful, fun, and always engaging. Complementing personalities with mutual understanding. I'd love someone who reminds me strongly of myself, but with enough dissimilarities that we're able to learn from each other and feel intrigued. Dull moments are few and far between. Intense bonding through new experiences. Lots of sex, touch, physical closeness.
Ideally, there'd be a sort of irresistible, magnetic pull toward each other, an organic emotional chemistry that cannot be ignored.
What are your strengths? Weaknesses?
On the plus side, I'm very open and honest. I'm great with words and I'd like to consider myself skilled in communication. I'm aware of my emotions, even if they're unpleasant, and nowadays I'm able to keep them from inciting conflict with others - most of the time.
On the not-so-plus side, I'm not quite as talented at checking my actions. As long as I'm not throwing any of my morals under the bus, I'm pretty much up for anything. This may frighten people who don't feel safe with that kind of suggestibility.
How do you handle conflict?
I either avoid it completely (I don't like negativity, especially if it's ultimately no biggie) or tackle it head-on. I can't "sleep on it," though, so if the issue's a serious one, I feel compelled to talk it out. I do my best to keep the mood light, but this is sometimes hard, especially when a partner's emotions are also keyed up. I just prefer to address problems and clear the air whenever possible. I also like to burn off steam by exercising.
How do you prefer to communicate?
Directly, openly, honestly. I laugh a lot and aim for a lighthearted atmosphere. My enthusiasm can be contagious, and my expression is often blunt but genuine. In tense situations, I do my best to be respectful and diplomatic while also sticking to my guns and defending myself as necessary. I'm usually better with the written word when things get heavy.
What type of person attracts you? What type repels you?
I'm into guys who are driven, passionate about their preoccupations, emotional without being emotionally needy. Playful, smart, good-humored, silly, sexual, spontaneous, quick, hard-working. A little over the top, but nonetheless have their shit together. I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't open to new experiences. Shared interests are always a plus. I also appreciate neatness, and men who exercise and take care of their bodies. Those who are interested and interesting.
Not so sexy, on the other hand, are guys with minimal ambition/nothing that drives or moves them (there's definitely such a thing as too laid-back). In-it-for-the-money types. Traditional guys who might have problems with my general outlook/life goals. Closed minds. Needy dudes who feel compelled to check in every time you're not together; the kind of person who can't walk to the convenience store without wanting you with him. Routine-oriented people, and those who don't take care of their bodies and spaces.