BerberElla
12 and a half weeks
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2008
- Messages
- 2,725
- MBTI Type
- infp
I used to do this when I was younger, as I mistakenly took the question: 'How are you' to actually mean something instead of be an empty greeting. I didn't grasp the concept behind it as I couldn't understand why you would ask a question and then not wanna hear a genuine answer. I also am principally against lying. Still cringe when I have to lie to that question.
These days I've learned that most cannot handle what they perceive as emotional drama when answering that question truthfully. I only share with my boyfriend or, if it really spills over and people can notice my mood and I no longer have the energy to do the cover-up thing and I cannot leave, I'll explain in short to those who ask, so they don't worry unnecessarily or feel excluded. At rare occasions, usually when I'm sleepdeprived, irritated and stressed, I'll actually rant and vent publicly. I seriously try to warn people when it happens ( I can feel it coming on without being able to stop it), and try to make amends later on.
This is so me, infact because I'm quite stressed at home with an unresolved issue, whenever I wake, those moments between opening my eyes and having a coffee are full of ranty ventings. That I have to apologize for, even though I actually really feel that way, I'm just expressing it in an unhealthy way and that's the part I;m apologizing for.
People think I am very open, but as someone said on the first page, I'm only open with resolved issues, things I have already acted on. Things I'm still stuck with, I can't really talk about because I'm still working through the emotions surrounding them, and it's too vunerable a state to expose to someone who is only going to give me a long list of action points to improve the situation, when I'm not quite ready to.
I'm even only open to a certain degree online, the days where I'm really in need of someone to talk to, are the days I don't even post on here. I just keep it to myself, and become a lurker until I've dealt with it, or have resolved the emotions around it.
I'm open with my life, I will tell anyone who asks where am at with my life, but I am closed with my emotions, I can't even say I love you because it's a private feeling sometimes.