SquirrelTao
New member
- Joined
- May 28, 2008
- Messages
- 198
- MBTI Type
- INXX
I think a lot of the description reads like me at a younger age - especially adolescence. In adolescence I was sort of trapped by my own stubborn fantasy world. But I learned to think my way rationally out of it, which led to an interest in philosophy and logic. Then I went through a college phase of being very emotionally detached and scoring pure T with no F when I would take any psychological test. But that didn't really fit me. When I was in college, I cared passionately about integrating emotion with reason. Somehow the test questions were too dichotomous to capture this quest.
There is one online test I still come out INTP rather than INFP. Another one, I come out INTJ. The one where I come out INTP has more shades of gray in the questions. The questions are not so either-or. The one where I come out INTJ has more about behavior and less about preferences in the questions.
I worked for eight years in an IS&S department doing web design, programming and systems support and troubleshooting. When I left, I had come full circle and been able to solve every problem I had set out to solve, learn everything I had set out to learn, and accomplish everything I had set out to accomplish.
This in spite of the fact I had serious issues with motivation until I learned how to be neither hot nor cold but lukewarm. Being hot got me in trouble. Being cold made me pretty much "lose my power". Being lukewarm was boring. There were times I would get "down in a hole" and have such a hard time getting out of it. I would have trouble concentrating. I would feel bored. I would feel tired and sleepy and sometimes even feel like I was about to black out. If I could concentrate on something long enough, I could climb out of the hole. The days when I was in a hole all day were a boring hell. I would welcome it when somebody would call with a problem. Ah, adrenaline! Getting up and walking!
I was happy with a whole project on my hands, a whole system to implement, often able to work feverishly at times like that. The times I would be down in the hole would be the times between projects, returning to a program that was 90% done. That last 10% of debugging would remain. I would have grown long since bored with the program. It would be one of those things the user needed right away until I had a question or required a decision. Then the user would not get back to me for months. I would have to follow up. The trail would grow cold in the program. I would return to it between other things. Bleh. But I slogged away, and it was one of those things I liked being able to do more than I actually liked doing it.
I found a comfort in doing something that did not make me feel as if I was compromising in some way. I would not be able to do art or journalism as a profession, in spite of my talent. Art and writing are things I have to do for love, not money. Programming and systems support was something I could do for money without feeling like some kind of intellectual or artistic whore. But it definitely was not my childhood fantasy at all.
I probably picked up the knack for troubleshooting a system from my INTJ husband, who would often tell me stories of his own troubleshooting. He has long been responsible for supporting computers and servers and networks. He would talk about how he ruled things out, narrowed things down. I understood the concept and applied it to my work. Playing with things came naturally. Playing more rigorously did not, but it became second nature with experience.
What I have really always wanted to do is to be an author, and I'm currently working on a science fiction novel. I suppose now that I'm no longer working in that IS&S department every day, I can afford to allow myself to realize that it has been draining my energy. Maybe that's the reason for my struggles for so long with being "down in the hole" and climbing out of it only to get sucked back in, concentration-wise and energy-wise.
One more thing - I don't have a problem with facts if they interest me. Anything that becomes research for my sci-fi, I magically become able to learn about it. I do, however, realize my limitations when dealing with the world of details as compared to a person who is an "S" type. I worked for an ISTJ boss for four years. I had to learn to speak to her in a concrete way. She could not understand abstractions. Whenever I could, I would simply show her things rather than even try to speak about them.
There is one online test I still come out INTP rather than INFP. Another one, I come out INTJ. The one where I come out INTP has more shades of gray in the questions. The questions are not so either-or. The one where I come out INTJ has more about behavior and less about preferences in the questions.
I worked for eight years in an IS&S department doing web design, programming and systems support and troubleshooting. When I left, I had come full circle and been able to solve every problem I had set out to solve, learn everything I had set out to learn, and accomplish everything I had set out to accomplish.
This in spite of the fact I had serious issues with motivation until I learned how to be neither hot nor cold but lukewarm. Being hot got me in trouble. Being cold made me pretty much "lose my power". Being lukewarm was boring. There were times I would get "down in a hole" and have such a hard time getting out of it. I would have trouble concentrating. I would feel bored. I would feel tired and sleepy and sometimes even feel like I was about to black out. If I could concentrate on something long enough, I could climb out of the hole. The days when I was in a hole all day were a boring hell. I would welcome it when somebody would call with a problem. Ah, adrenaline! Getting up and walking!
I was happy with a whole project on my hands, a whole system to implement, often able to work feverishly at times like that. The times I would be down in the hole would be the times between projects, returning to a program that was 90% done. That last 10% of debugging would remain. I would have grown long since bored with the program. It would be one of those things the user needed right away until I had a question or required a decision. Then the user would not get back to me for months. I would have to follow up. The trail would grow cold in the program. I would return to it between other things. Bleh. But I slogged away, and it was one of those things I liked being able to do more than I actually liked doing it.
I found a comfort in doing something that did not make me feel as if I was compromising in some way. I would not be able to do art or journalism as a profession, in spite of my talent. Art and writing are things I have to do for love, not money. Programming and systems support was something I could do for money without feeling like some kind of intellectual or artistic whore. But it definitely was not my childhood fantasy at all.
I probably picked up the knack for troubleshooting a system from my INTJ husband, who would often tell me stories of his own troubleshooting. He has long been responsible for supporting computers and servers and networks. He would talk about how he ruled things out, narrowed things down. I understood the concept and applied it to my work. Playing with things came naturally. Playing more rigorously did not, but it became second nature with experience.
What I have really always wanted to do is to be an author, and I'm currently working on a science fiction novel. I suppose now that I'm no longer working in that IS&S department every day, I can afford to allow myself to realize that it has been draining my energy. Maybe that's the reason for my struggles for so long with being "down in the hole" and climbing out of it only to get sucked back in, concentration-wise and energy-wise.
One more thing - I don't have a problem with facts if they interest me. Anything that becomes research for my sci-fi, I magically become able to learn about it. I do, however, realize my limitations when dealing with the world of details as compared to a person who is an "S" type. I worked for an ISTJ boss for four years. I had to learn to speak to her in a concrete way. She could not understand abstractions. Whenever I could, I would simply show her things rather than even try to speak about them.