meh. totally not my style at all. i usually agree with the czecze point of view and wisdom. i really prefer romantic things to stay on the down low for a while. i like the build up and subtlety and wonderment of it all. guys that would come right out and spill their guts aren't very attractive to me. yet i DO like honesty. just a different thing. being circumspect and feeling the underlying energy for me is so much more interesting and allows for a slower build of feeling than plopping it out on the kitchen table right in front of you.
Hee hee, thanks.
And Aphrodite, I totally understand where you are coming from. And it's helpful to the OP to hear the perspective of an INFJ female.
Personally, I do like tension and build up too, a great deal even.
But usually that comes with the *security* of knowing (or having a high probability) that there is mutual attraction. Or enjoying the 'what if' cat and mouse thing.
I was really answering in the best interests of the OP and not so much the perspective of the girl. Since he can't tell if there is mutual interest and there didn't even seem to be flirting going on - for his sake, direct is the way to go or he could be lost in ambiguity forever!
It's very true that timing, build up, method, etc. does play a part and definitely can even effect the outcome - but thinking about those factors can add too much anxiety for some people and paralyze them even more. They can overthink things or lose confidence.
The most important thing for people who are stuck in a situation like the OP's is just to make a move, any move, to at least move things along. I was also thinking that at the very least, the OP could get a definitive "no" if she was not interested so he could move on. And if she said "yes" then he could start worrying about finessing her.
I kinda see my ISTJ friend's problem in the OP's scenario - she totally overthought things, built it too up in her head, and waited wayyyyy too long to make her move. For the OP I saw it as a do or die situation because even if it ends up being about as romantic as dropping a 1/4 pound of fresh pork chop in someone's lap and saying, "For you! Dinner!" it's honestly better than nothing.
And once you break that wall of telling someone you like them, you get much better at it in the future. It's kinda like how your first kiss may be clumsy and nerve wracking but it opens the door to more comfortable and better kissing.