Alicewithptsd
New member
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
- Messages
- 9
Please help me figure out my type. I've read so much on the enneagram, online and a few books, and I'm still confused. I'm in therapy, and my therapist uses the enneagram, and pretty much from the get go marked me as a type one because of my perfectionistic, organized tendencies and my ability to repress my emotions, especially anger. She may be right, but I have a hard time accepting it, because there are many things that don't feel like they fit. The strong sense of justice, the need to have a cause...those just aren't me. I have a sense of things being right and wrong, of course, but I don't have this reformer sense in my being. I don't want to change the world. The shrink thinks I am a "body" type, but am confused and beleive I am a "head" type because I have been so disconnected from my body for most of my life. The thing is, I could see myself as a 5, being more of a head type, needing knowledge. I research everything. I crave knowledge, I loved school for that very reason. I could be a 6 because I live in a state of anxiety and confusion, needing others to validate me or tell me what to do before I can make s choice. I could be a 2 because all I want to do is take care of my family,be a mom and wife and make everyone happy. My biggest fear is not being good enough to be loved. I get resentful sometimes becasue my family doesn't give me the same courtseies I give them. I'm not overly outgoing, I like quiet and I would say I am more introverted by nature. I can act perfectly appropriate in social situations, and can speak with and interact with people I don't know, and a lot of people who know me socially would probably describe me as outgoing.
I feel pretty positive that I'm not a 4, 8, 9, 3 or 7. I could be wrong, but those are the types I ruled out pretty quick. So, it's 1, 2, 5, or 6 that I'm trying to decide between. The shrink did discuss, briefly, that I could be a 1w2 or 2w1, and just have a very heavy wing. I don't know.
I don't know of any of that helps, but I'm really starting to feel stressed by not knowing. I have pages and pages written comparing me to the types I'm confused about. I feel like being a one, the perfectionist is more my outside shell, the appearance I had to show others, especially growing up with my parents. I told the shrink I wasn't sold on being a type one and that I didn't want to discuss it, and she has mostly left it alone. Every once in a while, she will refer to my type, and I know she is thinking of me as this person with this sense of justice, and needing a cause, and not liking anger, and whatever else....some of it right and some of it wrong, and I just feel boxed in. I don't know.
I know this is long and no one here knows me, and that you have no reason to help, but I hope that you will. I need to figure this out and feel sure in my answer.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
~Alice
I feel pretty positive that I'm not a 4, 8, 9, 3 or 7. I could be wrong, but those are the types I ruled out pretty quick. So, it's 1, 2, 5, or 6 that I'm trying to decide between. The shrink did discuss, briefly, that I could be a 1w2 or 2w1, and just have a very heavy wing. I don't know.
I don't know of any of that helps, but I'm really starting to feel stressed by not knowing. I have pages and pages written comparing me to the types I'm confused about. I feel like being a one, the perfectionist is more my outside shell, the appearance I had to show others, especially growing up with my parents. I told the shrink I wasn't sold on being a type one and that I didn't want to discuss it, and she has mostly left it alone. Every once in a while, she will refer to my type, and I know she is thinking of me as this person with this sense of justice, and needing a cause, and not liking anger, and whatever else....some of it right and some of it wrong, and I just feel boxed in. I don't know.
I know this is long and no one here knows me, and that you have no reason to help, but I hope that you will. I need to figure this out and feel sure in my answer.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
~Alice