I know most of us make many friends in different stages of life, yet we usually see it as a challenge to keep them all. The question is, what's the criteria for you to filter them?
Discuss.
You look too pretty and bright.
Well, it seems to me like there is a scale like this:
People radiating with energy -------------------------------------------Emotional vampires
That's quite important for me.
So where is the point for the cut off? Perhaps since I'm pent up and probably in want of a therapist. I'm maybe here at the moment:
People radiating with energy ---------------------------------x---------Emotional vampires
However, at different times, I've been here:
People radiating with energy ------------x------------------------------Emotional vampires
I guess my job is very stressful.
Yeah, there are people whose communication is based only on complaining about things. It's all right if people complain to me about their worries, but if it is all there is, I feel like they are dragging me down. It seems like they are not even interested in solutions. I give them another perspective and they dismiss it because if they solved their problems they wouldn't have anything to talk about.
Well, I'm not that bad. I like to talk about books, philosophy, mysticism, and tell numerous stories. I like to listen to people's stories too. I sort of know a path out of bad relationships, and I can explain why your relationships are good or bad for you...when I'm at my best.
1) open minded and independent thinking
I'm really, really strong on this point.
2) "down" with trying new things
I'm weak in this.
3) treats people well who are powerless
I really, really like this one. Sometimes I take the homeless to dinner, yes the smelling, annoying ones. I'm a crazy person.
4) doesn't abuse any kind of power they have
I think I'm safe here too. I tend to act non-hierarchically. That is, I consider all humans of basically equal rank, and don't care much if you call yourself "Admiral".
This could be a tough one. It depends on what I'm being asked to change and why.
6) has integrity and personal values
sigh. I wish I could have less integrity. It seems like most of the people with less have a nicer life sometimes. Generally they're richer and seem to get to mate with more appealing people.
7) when there is a miscommunication, they handle it proactively or take it personally
Yes.
8) non judgemental and doesn't put words in your mouth
Yes, to a fault.
9) not offended by perverted humor (perverted, but not overly vulgar of course. that's what she said lines for instance)
Oh used to hang out with some queens, and they'd camp on one another. I miss those days before the falling out. OMG, I would fall out my seat laughing at that shit.
10) at least somewhat classy (you don't have to be Cary Grant to be my friend, but I certainly won't be friends with white trash, a hood rat, a whore or a dirty mexican*
*for those of you who don't know, dirty mexican refers to the mexican equivilent of white trash. it's not referring to mexicans as a whole
Uh oh. I'm not sure about this one since I live on a farm and drive a pick up I paid $500 for.
Isn't this in conflict with not treating the less fortunate badly?
I refuse to be friends with anyone who doesn't meet all of this criteria. some added plusses may include
1) funny
2) intelligent (while intelligent people are vastly superior, I'm still willing to be friends with someone who isn't terribly intelligent)
3) sophisticated
4) able to contribute something of value to my knowledge base
5) sexy. if you're a guy, I'm probably more likely to be your friend if you're sexy lol
6) stylish
I'm not too sure about these last points either.
I will be friends, as in on good terms, with virtually anyone. Good friends? Well, I can be a bit of an elitist tbh. I already have a fairly good circle of close friends. I don't feel the need to add to that circle very often. If I do, it is because I've come across somone or a couple that is just awesome. They have similar interests, they don't pull any weird emotional crap, and they are a joy to do things with and talk with. I feel like I don't even have very much time for my long term friends, to be there for them day in and out. I don't like to add to this because my energy is already stetched pretty thin. People that aren't allowed to EVER join my 'circle of trust' are people with alot of personal problems. Call them emotional vampires, or just misguided, dtc. I just cant bare the weight of having them call my 3 times a day with different crises.
Hah, well drat. I don't call people though, but I wouldn't say my life is free of personal problems.
- Reciprocity in give and take
- trustworthy
- open with inner self, express themselves (not self-contained)
- similar life style (wanting community, having time to hang out, around my age of 20s-30s young professionals
- accept me as is and allow me to be myself
- straightforward honesty and a dash of sweetness underneath
Okay, I'm 40. Too old to be in this person's circle.
it's not so much me filtering them.
i do what i want, and the ones that
manage to keep up, stick around.
the undesirables just filter out by
default because they don't have the
capacity to do so.
Well, this sort of makes me feel a bit tired, but the rest of it sounds pretty good.
i have many friendly acquiantances... and many friends... and i "like" almost everyone... but i have a comparatively very small group of close friends. i think with close friends it's less a conscious process of filtering and more of a "who have i not avoided for certain reasons"... lol...
i think my closest friends share:
sense of humor - witty with at least an appreciation of dark (if willing to generate dark, even better)
I think my sense of humor can tend to macabre, but I'm not sure that's what you mean exactly.
intellectual openness - curiosity, interest in learning, care about the greater world
I think so. It depends on what. I just bought a book on India, and I subscribe to National Geographic.
adventurousness -
maybe
humanism - i have a hard time handling ethical hardliners or rule-followers, but i tend to get closest to people who really care about other people and who are concerned with the human condition.
I think I score very high here.
social appropriateness - not in terms of superficiality but more like tact... the ability to adapt to situations and be appropriate when it's beneficial.
I'm sort of a misfit and eccentric, but usually not tactless unless I've completely lost it.
positivity and realism - i avoid downers and fantasizers. fantasy is wonderful in the arts but it ain't real... if you lose yourself in it too much then you miss life.
I need to work on being more positive. I think this one needs work.
acheivement - this isn't ever something i've really thought about much, but someone pointed it out to me lately. i just tend to hang out with people who do well at whatever they're doing. i could make a lot of guesses as to why but i think mostly i have always been motivated to do well, so i relate to people like that most, and they help keep me motivated too.
Hah! This depends on what you mean.
typewise... my closest friends are, i think - ENFJ 3w4, ESFJ 2w3, ENFJ 2w3, ENFP 7w6.
Uh oh! No introverts.
YES. i am not an advice hotline.
Myself, I'm not an "anti-boredom" device. Thank you.
I'm very Te on this one: I actually have an Excel spreadsheet where almost all my friends and acquaintances are ranked. The most important criteria are: trust, chemistry, intelligence, reliability, ambition, character, open-mindedness, mutual interests.
Holy Shit!
I can see that maybe I would find someone wasn't as openminded as I thought they were or something, but I doubt it would change my opinion of the whole. I think in my mind it would just mean I didn't care as much about that trait as I thought I did, so I was mistaken about me.
I am very open-minded.