You of all people should know we're not always how we seem on the outside. Even a man's man has feelings. And, if he really did love you, it might really break him in half like a cloven stone. If someone really did love you, how could they react otherwise? If you see this devastation as a weakness, if you find the weakness that comes with loving someone who doesn't love you as something pathetic then I don't see how you could ever truly be comfortable with someone loving you. It sounds like you only respect those who don't care completely.
You expect the people you're with to be unaffected by you? Do you see how this in conflict with relationship?
Oh, that wasn't that bad at all - actually kind of sweet.
I don't view crying as a weakness. But I have to admit I was very uncomfortable with his level of emotional expression. It shook me to the core. I felt it was uncalled for, and that there were more effective ways to communicate with me. It's what I truly thought in that moment, right or wrong - it's honest.
Yes, he has feelings and he is entitled to feel them. I respect his feelings completely. I guess you wouldn't quite get the whole thing because you don't know the whole story but this has been going on for a long time. Never once, in 10 years of on and off, did we ever express emotions on that scale. He asked me in earnest to marry him this past summer and I laughed at him because it was absurd. Then he in turn laughed at the situation.
A few years prior, when
my feelings were deeper than his (we go back and forth with this constantly), I made a daring and aggressive move towards him and he completely rejected me, and then he laughed in my face about how silly I was behaving. Which in turn made me laugh. And I appreciated that, it took the pressure off things.
He then proceeded to laugh about my "bold move" to all our friends, in front of me, at dinner one night. I have to admit, it was funny, so I laughed alongside them. Shit is just comical sometimes.
Now all of a sudden, he is pushing for this commitment AND showing all this emotion - it's throwing me off. The beauty of us was that there was no commitment, no heavy emotional battleground. I feel like I don't even know him at all anymore. I don't respect him less, but I was totally shocked and wanted to get the hell out of there.
The point is that I don't want a "traditional" relationship with him, and he doesn't with me. If we both wanted this, we would have made this happen a long time ago. He's seen me with so many other boyfriends and I've dealt with all his girlfriends. So I don't understand why all of a sudden he's reacting so emotionally. Can you help me understand this? Or maybe it's better that I don't know, actually. It's easier to walk away.