I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.
Its a tricky matter for everyone, not just ENTJs.
Why?
Because ENTJ's have some kind of pathetic excuse for a feeling function. Under the command of Extraverted Thinking, feelings become simple all/nothing or black/white affairs.
At an early age, because of the immaturity of their feelings, ENTJ's tend to have strong sentimental streaks which turn melodramatic. In practice, this means they tend to write cheesy poetry in secret and make their thinking go in a loop trying to figure out what on earth is this strange and new information from their body.
Don't worry, with age you will be able to see feelings in terms of a continuum instead of an everything/nothing issue.
Probably a J thing. All in or all out. Just spend more time in selection process.
Harlow Jem:
I am an ENTJ and can identify with your opening remarks. I am single, essentially always have been, but the handful of times I did fall, I fell hardddd. I would think about the person frequently and sort of plan just what I wanted to say to them and just generally fantasize about them. And no big surprise that I usually end up creating a mental image that's much more exciting than what actually came to pass. Rarely is my level of care, dedication, and outright love matched. It's a sore spot for me, actually. I'm working on controlling myself and attempting to use my Feeling functions as effectively as I can, without letting my NT need to project into the future muddle the flow of the relationship.
I'm working on controlling myself and attempting to use my Feeling functions as effectively as I can, without letting my NT need to project into the future muddle the flow of the relationship.
Harlow Jem:
I am an ENTJ and can identify with your opening remarks. I am single, essentially always have been, but the handful of times I did fall, I fell hardddd. I would think about the person frequently and sort of plan just what I wanted to say to them and just generally fantasize about them. And no big surprise that I usually end up creating a mental image that's much more exciting than what actually came to pass. Rarely is my level of care, dedication, and outright love matched.
is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?
I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.
It will blast you full force, like it or not. Maybe to the extent of sappy. Then again, I am a sucker for the traditional notion of romance(romantic evenings, sunsets, the works).
I'm much the same way. It's all or nothing.Okay, I don't know if it's just me but for other ENTJ's out there: the rare times that you actually happen to fall in love, is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?
I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.
Okay, I don't know if it's just me but for other ENTJ's out there: the rare times that you actually happen to fall in love, is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?
I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.
Okay, I don't know if it's just me but for other ENTJ's out there: the rare times that you actually happen to fall in love, is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?
I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.
I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.
I think you crystal-clearly summed it up. As ENTJ's, we don't fall in love a lot, probably because of our high standards and our desire to ensure the relationship makes sense and fits into the bigger picture, but once we do fall, it's often with our hands tied behind our back, and face-first onto the concrete.
It's a good thing, I think - in that while we're not desperate, when we do fall in love, it's actually real and wholehearted.
Two quotes that I think sum up our philosophies of love well.
1) "I am falling quicker than I thought I could or said I would; and you aren't helping any. Help me, break my fall. Catch me with your smile."
2) "I don't want to build my life around you, but I want to include you in the building of my life." This quote, I think, defines us as ENTJ's, in that we are only accepting of love if love, indeed, "makes sense." If it doesn't, we'd rather be by ourselves.
Marc
I definitely share this all or nothing attitude.
I can't stand the thought of being with someone who could just have easily chosen to be with someone else. I live in a small town so I see people dating/marrying just for the sake of being with someone (everyone's bored and there's not a lot of choices). It's sickening.
I definitely share this all or nothing attitude.
I can't stand the thought of being with someone who could just have easily chosen to be with someone else. I live in a small town so I see people dating/marrying just for the sake of being with someone (everyone's bored and there's not a lot of choices). It's sickening.