--it's seems like there's all sorts of give and take in one or two eyebrow moves and a handful of bizarre tangents with giggling and sparkles.
I completely agree that there is alot of non-verbal communication that occurs between ENFPs and INTJs. I also agree that whilst seeming to not get along on the surface the two types could actually be getting on incredibly well due to this non-verbal dialogue, I also believe that both types like to banter and enjoy having an argument (the debate kind)
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If forced to, INTJs will elaborate their individual ideas in detail, but in fact mostly what we do is tip-of-the-iceberg speaking. ENFPs do a lot of of "Whoa, there's a tip, I know what that iceberg is!" Massive miscommunication is possible, but it doesn't seem to happen that often--it's seems like there's all sorts of give and take in one or two eyebrow moves and a handful of bizarre tangents with giggling and sparkles.
Tell you what, though. ENFPs skate away from stuff pretty quick too. If there's fear or threat in an idea or a reaction, and you push it, there can be some foot stamping and breezy dismissals.
But it also seems like you come back to it in time, although there can be some big, big circles before you get there.
Getting coherent storylines from an ENFP can sometimes be very, very frustrating.
But... I suppose that's another one of those give and take things: the INTJ, if he's overbearing and used to being that way, can get to sound like a stern parent when he's not supposed to--he's supposed to admit that in matters of values, the ENFP has got a stronger understanding and he's supposed to listen. And the listening will be fun, first because there's something in there the INTJ wants to know, and second, because there'll be a lot of associated ideas and merry understanding along the way. All of which the INTJ will engage in where he wouldn't with anyone else exactly because he's all the time being asked to do what he does best--synthesize understanding--for which he gets rewarded--by seeing that his own contributions to the discussion are both laughed at and taken seriously.
And some other stuff which I don't understand.
I just made all of that up.
and just reading this sentence made me think happy thoughts.
I also realized something important too about the whole "control" thing: I tend to only do it in a situation that I feel is too "chaotic" or where I don't have enough understanding of all the variables. In those times, I need to exert my controlling ideas on someone and be able to see the reaction of that control to feel better about my own standing in a situation. Since I often feel like I need to do this, I prefer to do it with people that I know well and care about, and therefore can trust that they know what's going down. Thus it tends to be NFP friends that bear the burden of I suppose what I would call "backseat living" where I just want to check up on their lives (read: Plans) so that I know that they have THEIR shit together, because in this particular situation I don't have mine together, against my will.
In any case, FantailedWall, it could totally be that case with your dad, and in that regard it probably is less "I JUST WANT TO DOTE" than you think. He might be controlling for the sake of his own emotional stability/comfort!
For me, asking a person what their plans are is defined as controlling them, ...
yeah but if you ask someone "what are your plans" you are trying to discern information to make your life and your co-existence more comfortable...but if you're an INTJ, you're doing that with the primary motivation of self-comfort, or self-security (imo). So it's not like a puppet-master thing, but people still RESPOND to it like it is. That's probably why I've (in a potentially erroneous way?) labeled it as such. It's effectively control of self, with others involved.
I've never had any problems with INTJ's. At least the ones on this forum. I don't know if I know any in real life or not.
Or it's just that by INTJ nature you're a real world planner--entailment planners, is what we get called somewhere in some type description--bottle cap tighteners--and, literally, that is what we have to offer.
It can go overboard and become a controlling interest... but exerting control is really tiring, and like Eruder said, it goes against the grain to know your keeping someone you care for under your thumb.
Not that it won't happen sometimes.
But I'm pretty sure INTJ types will notice a conflict inside themselves if they're finding themselves aiming at controlling others, and not just controlling project planning.
For one thing, it's kinda boring if you know exactly what someone's going to do next, especially if somehow you've made them do it.