Wild horses
New member
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2008
- Messages
- 1,916
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
Oh thanks Kyuu saves me having to read it all Ok well that makes more sense, so really this is just a communication problem right!?
^ In a nutshell, yes. On one side, flirting has consequences, agreed. On the other side, perception of what is misconstrued as flirting should not stop us from who people are.
Yea to be honest I think we have miscommunication problems on more than one front... I thought we were meant to be good communicators... go figure
It's because most people are bitter and jaded. And spend too much time watching TV.
:rolli:
^ I think this is the fulcrum of the entire thread. What we as ENFPs see as friendly and playful is not taken as that by other types and people around us.
I hate to be Synarch's wingman here, but he did actually reveal both here and in another rather heart-warming post on a similar thread that he has "seen the light" regarding this issue.
Yeah, he did, and I did take that into account--I had just noticed that, since he had become rather hard-line about NOT flirting, and making sure the ENFPs were always aware of how they could be perceived or misconstrued, that he could actually be accused of the same thing (perhaps without even realizing). It's that line between perception and intent.
I do think some personalities need more interaction and feedback than others do. And some people, to me, anyway, would have to completely change their personalities in order to satisfy the "can't-even-remotely-be-construed-as-flirting" criteria.
Gah! Now it all makes sense! The irrational posturing! The high-handed moralizing! The judgmental condemnation!
Just like those "born again" street preachers!
Gah!
Ah. That's interesting, thanks. I guess we just perceive these things differently. I'm inclined to think the person is a horrible fake, or confusing, at best. Which creates, rather than breaks down boundaries for me. That's probably why INTPs suck at flirting.
That's so funny because online, I am much sterner and colder and detached. This computer is a wall for me. In person, I am much more gregarious and outgoing. It's hard for me to go 10 minutes without laughter. Is that flirting? I don't think so, but others might.
Stay on topic. We have provided the definition of flirting several times throughout. It must have sexual or romantic content.
It is.
The perception of her laughter being sexual or, more likely in such cases, meant to be romantically insinuated is in the eye of the beholder. She may not view it that way but that doesn't mean another person won't.
This thread has given me much laugther. But, no worries, I'm not flirting.
So, a tiger may not change his stripes? I just want to stay on the high road if possible.
I think staying on the high road is admirable. I just think there's a fundamental difference between expressing your personality and having someone accuse you of being flirtatious, and being actively flirtatious with intent to cheat or make your partner jealous. And I don't think it's as cut-and-dried as you want to make it in this thread.
If you think that you have been flirtatious in the past and that you've inadvertently hurt some people or led them on, then I think it's cool for you to realize that about yourself and make an effort to change your stripes. But I think you have to keep in mind that not everyone will see things the same way--even people that you CAN trust, and who ARE reasonable and moral. It seems strange to me that you're determined to make everyone come to the same conclusion, when there are so many variables.
Be honest. You want your cake and eat it, too. That's all I want to hear. It's not about depriving the world of your "beneficial influence" to not flirt. Give me a break.
I don't really hear you ever talking about things from the point of view of what is best for your partner. Only what serves your own interests and inclination.
It's also about what does it mean to sexualize interpersonal encounters? Is it fair to engage people romantically or sexually without real intent to follow through? Does no one truly get hurt? And, if we treat romantic or sexual connection as something casual or as a tool for "intensifying personal interactions", what does this mean about who we are or how we value romance and sex?
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