kyuuei
Emperor/Dictator
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2008
- Messages
- 13,964
- MBTI Type
- enfp
- Enneagram
- 8
I've dated flirty ENFPs and no, I wasn't okay with it as I said earlier. I'm fine with someone being friendly; I have lots of friends and I'm always willing to talk with someone. But such things as whispering sexually in someone else's ear while your SO is in the same vicinity, for example, I can't tolerate. I think it's disrespectful to your SO and the relationship you have.
I think this is where we draw the line. I'm with Biaxident on this.. if it's an 80 year old man that I'm visiting at the retirement home (I do do this often), my comments might be way flirty in jokingness than, say, with someone else my age. The more obvious the joke will be, the more I run with it. If there's someone potentially sensitive to that sort of flirty behavior, I'm very quick to adjust.
We're extroverts.. and I never forget that I cater to people's needs moreso than my own. I would never flirt with the intent on getting into someone's pants, to seriously compliment them, etc. I'm not good at all with making the first moves on anything relationship-oriented. So if someone thinks I'm flirting with them, they're obviously mistaken.
Flirting is tacitly sexual or romantic. Check the dictionary. I am not talking about being friendly, cheerful, or curious.
Whispering in someone's ear? Jesus.
Talking about flirting. Flirting is at least romantic or sexual in its approach.
This is what I think as well. I don't think you're..well..ENTIRELY.. trolling. You're making good points arguing the other side. Flirting can be hurtful, but taking Amargith's point..
How do you justify it when you insult someone as a joke, coz that's your type of bantering, and they take it seriously? And why do you feel the need to insult them in the first place? It's pretty much the same thing imo.
It's the exact same thing. What one person perceives as their way of interacting can always be mistaken as something else. And I'm sure you have to adjust your ways depending on the person.. more sensitive people.. you may have to be a bit reserved around, say, Beyondaurora (sorry hun first name in my head), than you would be around Edgar of TucsonENTP.
On the surface they probably see it as "connecting with others" or "being friendly", but when you scratch the surface it's usually a need to be liked above all else. This has to come from the outside as they cannot get it from within because that would require introspection and strength.
I do think this statement is a bit messed up.. I don't ever ever feel the need to flirt with anyone to fulfill some childish inner desire. (Using flirting as the dictionary usage, not what people here are calling flirting). I just don't do it. I say I flirt, because commonly I am mistaken as doing such. Anything that would be preceived as me making any sort of flirting gestures or first moves are mistaken, I'm terrible at these things.
No, I don't mean friendly, I know some people get that twisted. I'm talking about flirting. And that it's often hurtful to play with people's feelings.
^ Entirely agreed. At the same time.. Most of the time that I've been taken as a flirt, I am not flirting. I'm not a very subtle person. If I want sex, I ask for it (in a shy way, but I do. Or rather.. I don't make first moves. If someone makes a move, I'll receive it warmly and openly. There's usually no mistaking.) and if I want a date or attention, I ask for that as well.
People hear what they want to hear though.. It's not been the first time that I've paid attention to a guy, and they've seen and analyzed my actions as more than what they are, and the saying goes "people hear what they want to hear" and before you know it, I'm apologizing and doing damage control.
I can't change who I am for every lonely person. But I do ensure my SO's never feel out of place or uncomfortable.. and I think I'm balanced enough that aside these occasional things, I don't hurt people with my actions and words.