OrangeAppled
Sugar Hiccup
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2009
- Messages
- 7,626
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
The reason why it seems so clear-cut to me is because I always know how I feel that far into a relationship. Either it clicks or it doesn't, and if I were to say that I don't feel what I should feel in a relationship, there's no connection, I would mean EXACTLY THAT. To me that means there isn't anything real or intimate going on, that it's been fun, you're a nice guy, but we're not "in love" though I may like you or care about you.
As a person who has almost compulsively sought intimacy in her life, even if I am not an ENFP (and this should probably clear up people thinking that I am, that I am not as sympathetic as the ENFP females in this thread seem to be, so likely not) ...if I said those words, it would amount to "I am not feeling it. We have not established the bond we should have, physically mentally or emotionally."
To me it seems pretty simple, and in the ENFP-INTJ thread, [MENTION=6166]Orobas[/MENTION] said the other day something about an ENFP girl stringing along a guy she really had no interest in, and how she thought he was a tortured INTJ, and the ENFP had a bf, but she kept "leaving the door open" for "possibilities."
That's a bunch of fucking shit and it hurts people, okay? So she shouldn't be kissing him after she made a declaration like that. I disagree with [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] that she's "over empathizing." If she really had empathy, she'd turn him loose instead of being so selfish about being perceived as "nice" or whatever the fuck, or leaving the door open just in case she can't find a solid replacement soon enough.
That is honestly the way I view the situation. You know guys, ENFPs have flaws just like every other type, they aren't perfect people, and stringing people along opportunistically under a facade of kindness could potentially be one of them.
It's selfish. It's not kind. Kind is being forthright and honest, and letting him go. This is the kind of thing people do when they have trepidation about losing their cash cow or their regular date, what someone might do when afraid of being alone, not because they actually aren't sure they love the person.
Maybe I'm more sure of my feelings than an ENFP. Who knows. Maybe that points to Fi dom over Fi aux for me.
She's not stringing him along, nor does it even sound like she is unsure about her decision once safely removed from his pleading. There's a massive difference between being pulled back in by someone because of misused empathy ("I see how they feel & hate making them feel that way" & "Maybe there is a possibility after all?" ---> agree to keep trying in hopes her feeling may change, then kissing someone she is technically still dating) than deliberately keeping someone around until you find someone else. There are entirely different motives & feelings involved. The OP wants to know what could be going on in her head, and I think "stringing along" is not it. I think it's feeling bad about hurting someone & putting aside her feelings so she maybe doesn't have to hurt him.
We don't know the full context for the kissing also; maybe HE is using this to confuse her enough to get her to agree to keep seeing him? Why is SHE the manipulative one here?
I agree she needs to stick to her feelings for both their own good. However she has tried to turn him loose. She essentially broke up with him in the email. How is it fair or nice or kind of him to keep asking her to give it another chance? He's not respecting her feelings or decision either.
I DO agree it's a flaw to allow herself to be pulled by someone else's feelings, especially when she knows in the long-run it won't work out.
I also DO believe that an ENFP is probably less clear cut on feelings, at least initially, and that's why it's easy for someone else to keep opening a door she is trying to shut. I DO also see N-dom (especially N-dom NFs) as being rather fickle, because value seems led by potential rather than the other way around.
But what's going on in another thread with another person doesn't seem really relevant to me here.
Here, I just see two people who've dated & one who isn't feeling it anymore & keeps trying to end it while the other hangs on. It sucks & it hurts to be the rejected one, but it doesn't mean the other person really wronged them.