I'm still getting over the hurt from my INFJ ex-girlfriend.
Point for the home team.
Sorry to hear it. I don't associate with many INFJs x:
Is this just applying to relationships? Or do you mean with everything in life, that INFPs "love to sabotage themselves"? You seem to have met and known a lot of INFPs, so could you offer examples of this, in the INFPs you've seen, beyond relationships (if you're implying that this goes beyond relationships and into everything else)?
You can PM me if that's easier for you. This just really caught my attention, and I'm very curious.
From my experience, it applies to everything. I've constantly been surrounded by an INFP or two at any given time, be they close friends or significant others.
My INFP ex would be over-excited about trying to get me to date him again. It would be to the point where it would backfire and I would refuse to date him. When I did agree to date him again, he would sabotage himself by expecting me to be 200% concerned about him and his feelings, opposed to my own. When dating, despite his overzealousness toward me, he would do exactly what I asked him not to do and always expect forgiveness. I could have written him a manual to follow to allow things to go smoothly, but he still would have sabotaged the hell out of it. This was throughout the ages of 16-24 for him.
(I do know INFPs don't like being told what they should/shouldn't do, but I'm low maintenance.)
My INFP ex best friend would constantly play the victim. "I can't work because of my social anxiety" "I'm afraid I'll pass out if I work" "I can't finish my math class because.. excuse 1-5" "I don't want to accept help for math because I'll feel dumb" etc. This was while myself and her own significant other were offering her help frequently and reassuring her. She was like this with her own life since she was 12. She's probably 25 now, and I wouldn't doubt her being the same way.
Also, she treated her significant other (INFP, as well) like dirt. He constantly paid for her, dealt with her clinging, and stuck with her. Despite her clinging, there was a time where she would privately blog about not loving him and just using him for sex. Methinks they are still together.
Ex best friend's INFP significant other. He dates my crazy ex best and puts up with her antics for 5+ years. He deals with all of the abuse and manipulation and keeps coming back for more. He works to pay for her life and he changes all of his ideals to better suit hers. He puts off school and himself for her. He's 26 now and I do believe he started to pick up his life about a year ago. Likely a combination of 1) Getting older and 2) Being broken to bits by someone.
Current INFP close friend can be very responsible and can get things done when she needs to. She can be better at that than I am sometimes. She's 21, which likely helps the matter. What she lacks, is life experience/being broken. The only ways she sabotages herself is by getting distracted and not devoting to what she wants and by refusing to put herself out there to experience relationships. She's least in the personal abuse realm, but INFP females hang out more in the deluded fantasy realm.
Current INFP significant other is one of the most intelligent and potential-filled people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing or dating. In some ways, he has his self preservation. In others, he shapes the abuse and deterrence of his life experience. Living life suits him so undeniably well, but for some reason he can't get out of his own way. Then there are times when he is the only one to have an awareness of hindering himself. Usually, he'll choose to roam the forum or get sucked into a videogame, rather than really involving himself in his life, even if he knows he should and wants to.
- Now -
The older INFPs that I've chitchatted with tend to have a defining point. It's a certain age range, a certain negative life event, or a combination of the two. They know exactly how they used to sabotage themselves and can explain it in great detail, especially the point of change. They also aren't as anti-authoritarian as the younger ones.
Their 'wisdom' about young INFPs is truly awesome though. It warms my soul.