Thalassa
Permabanned
- Joined
- May 3, 2009
- Messages
- 25,183
- MBTI Type
- ISFP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sx
I use both A LOT. I feel for people but I detach from them when they are emotionally draining and we aren't close. Other times, I internalize people's emotions as my own but I still tend to detach if it's too much and can come off cold, uncaring, and very solution oriented. For me, it's about self-protection.
The funny thing about what the ENFPs were saying about pity is that on the other side, I hate when people think or assume that they know how I feel. That's what I don't like about empathy. Both sides of the coin feel icky to me sometimes. Pity (sympathy) and projection (empathy) can be quite irritating.
I have noticed that on some things I will sympathize with people and my mom (INFP) will empathize with the same people and vice versa. It really depends on the context, values, experiences, etc. It is not mainly function contingent.
I'm an ENFP but pity doesn't bother me, because I know it's usually meant well, and I actually respond quite well to Fe style nurturing as long as it's not being overly nagging or judgmental. I know I use sympathy myself, not just empathy. I don't understand having any sort of strong opinion against sympathy, in fact, I find it strange.
Empathy just happens to come more naturally to me, sympathy is there but like as back-up, and the only thing I don't like about sympathy is that in some situations it can feel disloyal, if that makes any sense - like the person is trying so hard to please everyone they aren't being true to anyone. On the other hand, FJ temperament can actually make for extreme loyalty in friendships and relationships, so it's not all bad.