I can't decide if I trust everyone or no-one or everyone to various degrees. I don't know if I really understand at a concrete level what trust means. Does anyone want to describe what it means for them?
I think to me trust means whether or not I can expect someone to act in a way that will not intentionally hurt me.
My boyfriend still accuses me from time to time of not trusting him to not be "against" me, and he's right. It's very, very hard for me to abandon my natural position of assuming that I have to protect myself from everyone - including him, when we argue. It's very subconscious and very ingrained.
I think I have seen some six like this on the forums...
Ugh. That is rough. Glad you are doing better now.
I meant how it's good for the nine.
Marm will always be the posterchild for me - though I'm sure I exhibit it sometimes too! And thank you
Sorry I didn't describe that well... It's hard for me to explain this without going into both sides of the effects, or without talking a lot about myself. I think our relationship satisfies his desire for bonding and belonging (6 is naturally inclusive and accommodating), his desire to recreate his happy childhood and parental archetypes (6 shares the recreating happiness desire and is naturally more submissive), and his desire to live as an aware and progressive but dutiful and responsible citizen (6 is cooperative and dutiful but an advocate of justice and positive change). 6 being hyperanalytical keeps 9 abreast of potential problems without 9 having to exert the mental energy on something unpleasant. 6 looking to 9 for the lead means that 9 gets keep things as low-key as they need. Most of all, 6 benefiting from 9's peacefulness and optimism means that 6 becomes a better and better person around 9, and 6's increasing positivity will inherently have a positive impact on 9's environment, but will moreover be reflected directly back at 9.
I think this is what I was trying to get at -that 6 and 9 can create a positive feedback loop, where 6 is looking to 9's lead and 9 is trying to be mellow and optimistic, and 6 tries to be mellow and optimistic too in the wake of 9, so that makes a more mellow and optimistic atmosphere for 9, which makes 9 happy and comforts 6, so 9 continues to do what 9 is doing and 6 continues to look to 9 for guidance. Because 9 is exactly what 6 needs to grow, and 6's natural tendency is to look outward for guidance, 9 feeds 6 exactly what 6 needs, and as a result 6 moves to 9, which keeps 9 happy, and 6 remains without the pitfalls of being a 9, which can help support the 9 in avoiding those pitfalls. 9 in turn has a peaceful but more outwardly-energized atmosphere, encouraging and facilitating 9 in growing towards 3, as well as a happy 6 actively trying to make them happy, too.
I think this is why any relationship that lies on the growth/stress paths has a higher likelihood of working out. If one partner is given exactly what they need, then the other partner will benefit twofold, both environmentally and directly.
whatever said:
mostly, I can say that the 6 I know has learned to trust by being given no reason NOT to trust for several years... and it TOOK several years
If it's any consolation, the suspicion means that he REALLY likes you
He wouldn't care so much if not!
SilkRoad said:
I certainly relate though to what you said about hoping that people will fulfill their potential (if that's what you meant), partly because of your belief, faith and trust in them. But also feeling that it's a bit unlikely that they will. Both at the same time.
I feel this too. There's a girl at my work who is the epitome of this. She's young, on her own, dropped out of school, poorly parented, not from an affluent family, has a tenuous romantic relationship, and has a toddler. She's outwardly flighty and superficial, but I really liked her when I met her, and I saw a capacity for being a good coworker in her for whatever reason I can't really explain. I took a chance on her and gave her a good word with the higher-ups, and she's become a pretty good consistent full-time employee - definitely far better than almost everyone had expected of her. They used to talk shit about her in her old department, and it makes me gloat a little to hear her tell them she's doing great now. I'm proud of her for growing like that with just a little positive support and solid behavioral modification, and proud of me for being willing to put myself out there for her. She's still kind of flighty, defiant, and forgetful, though, and I still wonder when she's going to get fired, because I really won't be surprised if it happens eventually. I see in her the ability to rise beyond her past and her environment but I wonder if it will ever happen. I think it can, with consistent positive exterior influence. I just hope she doesn't run it off.