I think this is a very interesting point, worthy of consideration. Gender undoubtedly plays a role in how type manifests. Thus, it must undoubtedly play a role in these kind of dynamics.
Your Assumptions - Gender Roles Support male ENTP/Female INFJ pairings
Your question seems to based on the assumption that a big component of ENTP male / INFJ female happiness relies on a stereotypical male / female dynamic. Ergo, if the perfectness of this relationship is damaged when the woman is the ENTP.
I'm not sure I think that I agree with your thought process here. What draws INFJs/INTJs and ENTPs/ENFPs together is the synchronicity in their respective function hierarchies.
- ENTP — Ne > Ti > Fe > Si > Ni > Te > Fi > Se
- ENFP — Ne > Fi > Te > Si > Ni > Fe > Ti > Se
- INTJ — Ni > Te > Fi > Se > Ne > Ti > Fe > Si
- INFJ — Ni > Fe > Ti >Se > Ne > Fi > Te > Si
Note that except for the T & F functions being switched between the Thinkers and Feelers, the hierarchy of functions is in the same order. This seems like it'd be stronger glue than housewife/breadwinner roles in how these four types pick their mates.
My Assumptions - All People Feel Pulled to Fit In:
Minimizing the Gender Stereotype Gap
But I do think there is something going on here.
I hypothesize that
the farther out of gender stereotype someone is, the
higher their motivation will be to choose a mate they perceive will help them close the gender stereotype gap by allowing them to express the aspects of their personality that are gender stereotypical.
So who is farther out of gender stereotype of the four types I listed above?
Introverts > Extraverts
Males > Females
Well, men have more rigid expectations re: their societal roles than women. And, E's focus their energy outside themselves which grounds them in the world and keeps them cognizant of how their behavior is judged by others. I's tend to be more impractical and less influenced by outside pressures.
Thus, male introverts out of gender stereotype (i.e.,
INFJ males) experience the greatest gender gap and thus have the strongest motivation to choose a mate that helps them get closer to the male ideal.
By the same token,
ENTP women would experience the least gender stereotype gap. Thus, they would have very low motivation to pick a mate that would help them modulate their out of gender stereotype tendencies.
The $64,000 Question
Which personality type do INFJ males perceive will be their ideal complement AND help them more comfortably express their stereotypical maleness. I predict the ENFP. She is unafraid to lavish her lover with all manner of pda and adoration; in general, she is not interested in leading others or being confrontational; she is more than willing to tailor her approach to meet her male INFJ's needs thus in some ways he sets the agenda.
If my theory is correct, an INFJ male will be far less motivated to pick an ENTP female. In sum, I predict that while female ENTP / male INFJ matches might have all the advantages of the male ENTP/ female INFJ pairing in terms of complimentary cognitive processes, INFJ males will be less attracted to the dynamic here.
<Insert cringe here, while Esoteric Wench waits on it to 'hit the fan'.>