Morticia
New member
- Joined
- May 20, 2012
- Messages
- 4
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4
I usually try not to refer to socionics as a way of better understanding my close relationships with other people, because I tend to think that it's reductive and a poor substitute for simply talking to the friend in question. (I do think it's a useful tool, just to a limited degree.) BUT the nature of my friendship with this ENFP is so complicated and strange (at least in my mind) that I think directly talking about it with him is actually not the best option right now. So here I am! Please give me your objective two cents, whatever it is.
About a year ago I started a new job and met my ENFP friend. Together, we are completely the stereotype of ENFP-INFJ chemistry: non-stop hilarity and teasing and goofiness, shifting from one random subject to the next seemlessly, talking comfortably about pretty much anything and everything, with mutual understanding. When we're paired together we end up doing more talking than working, but because we're so funny and cute, no one seems to mind. I'm 23, and he's 35. I'm religious and he is agnostic. For a long time I thought of the friendship as completely platonic, and he made a point of expressing in conversation that he wanted it to be platonic too. I was also aware of trouble he's had in the past with unintentionally leading girls on just by being himself, so I'm careful not to read too much into the more suggestive things he says.
In the past several months our friendship seems to have changed, though. I have definitely fallen for him, and I am uncertain about his feelings for me. Shortly after I realized my feelings for him, (and of course kept them to myself like a good INFJ) he decided to tell me out of the blue that he was dropping another one of his many fleeting dating prospects and that he thought that he needed to figure out what his relationship with God was before he started dating again. I told him that made sense to me, and he acted relieved. After this interaction he started acting hypercharged around me; he was acting affectionate and bubbly and inquisitive in a more intense way that I wasn't used to. I thought it was cute but I was also really worried that he was going to lead me on and inevitably break my heart. To put it simply, I got so anxious about it that I ended up lashing out at him after a while and I deeply hurt his feelings. I apologized and we patched things up, but for the next several weeks we just couldn't quite get our flow back and we kept on having misunderstandings and getting in fights over stupid things. I would be too cold towards him and hurt his feelings, and then he would tease me too relentlessly and end up hurting mine. After I got mad at him for teasing me too much, he felt extremely guilty and developed a complex about it for a little while. I had to reassure him several times that he didn't need to worry about it anymore after I had already forgiven him. (He likes to point out that we argue and then work things out kind of like an old married couple. More fun ideas for me to over-analyze)
Eventually we got back to normal, but it was only a week or so before he had to leave the country for about 3 months. (To have a pre-planned adventure.) That was about 2.5 weeks ago. So I have the summer to brood about the strange nature of our friendship and figure out what to do next. (Ha.)
On the last day before he left, he seemed very fragile and subdued, and although he was clearly happy to see me at the beginning of the shift, he was acting really stiff and awkward when I came to say goodbye to him. I decided to just ignore it and act like my normal self, but I was worried that I was making him feel uncomfortable. He mainly kept his eyes on his work and responded to the things I said very quietly. He kept his body turned away from me and I had to linger for much longer than normal before he finally hugged me goodbye. It came as a surprise especially because earlier that day I caught him staring at me very intently several times, and we had some fun conversations here and there like normal. The staring is new, and he has also recently started self-deprecating a lot and laughing more than normal in our conversations. On his last day of work he decided to tell me in a very solemn way, "when I'm talking to you, (name), no one else exists." So I inwardly panicked and decided to take it as a joke and he mirrored my reaction.
To my surprise I got a text from him a few days after he left with some links he thought I would like. He hasn't replied to my most recent message, which was about 2 weeks ago.
In a non-freaky, non-clingy way, I care about this guy very much and I want to be a good friend to him no matter what, I'm just not sure right now what that would look like. It would be nice if I knew for sure that I should be spending this time apart trying to get over him and moving on, if it seems like he ONLY wants to be friends. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or do anything that would make the friendship become even weirder than it already has been. I think sometimes he might feel pressured by female friends to essentially "entertain" them by being engaging and a little bit flirty. So, ENFPs, can you shed some light on his behavior and tell me how you think I can best care for my ENFP friend? Thanks for reading my word vomit
About a year ago I started a new job and met my ENFP friend. Together, we are completely the stereotype of ENFP-INFJ chemistry: non-stop hilarity and teasing and goofiness, shifting from one random subject to the next seemlessly, talking comfortably about pretty much anything and everything, with mutual understanding. When we're paired together we end up doing more talking than working, but because we're so funny and cute, no one seems to mind. I'm 23, and he's 35. I'm religious and he is agnostic. For a long time I thought of the friendship as completely platonic, and he made a point of expressing in conversation that he wanted it to be platonic too. I was also aware of trouble he's had in the past with unintentionally leading girls on just by being himself, so I'm careful not to read too much into the more suggestive things he says.
In the past several months our friendship seems to have changed, though. I have definitely fallen for him, and I am uncertain about his feelings for me. Shortly after I realized my feelings for him, (and of course kept them to myself like a good INFJ) he decided to tell me out of the blue that he was dropping another one of his many fleeting dating prospects and that he thought that he needed to figure out what his relationship with God was before he started dating again. I told him that made sense to me, and he acted relieved. After this interaction he started acting hypercharged around me; he was acting affectionate and bubbly and inquisitive in a more intense way that I wasn't used to. I thought it was cute but I was also really worried that he was going to lead me on and inevitably break my heart. To put it simply, I got so anxious about it that I ended up lashing out at him after a while and I deeply hurt his feelings. I apologized and we patched things up, but for the next several weeks we just couldn't quite get our flow back and we kept on having misunderstandings and getting in fights over stupid things. I would be too cold towards him and hurt his feelings, and then he would tease me too relentlessly and end up hurting mine. After I got mad at him for teasing me too much, he felt extremely guilty and developed a complex about it for a little while. I had to reassure him several times that he didn't need to worry about it anymore after I had already forgiven him. (He likes to point out that we argue and then work things out kind of like an old married couple. More fun ideas for me to over-analyze)
Eventually we got back to normal, but it was only a week or so before he had to leave the country for about 3 months. (To have a pre-planned adventure.) That was about 2.5 weeks ago. So I have the summer to brood about the strange nature of our friendship and figure out what to do next. (Ha.)
On the last day before he left, he seemed very fragile and subdued, and although he was clearly happy to see me at the beginning of the shift, he was acting really stiff and awkward when I came to say goodbye to him. I decided to just ignore it and act like my normal self, but I was worried that I was making him feel uncomfortable. He mainly kept his eyes on his work and responded to the things I said very quietly. He kept his body turned away from me and I had to linger for much longer than normal before he finally hugged me goodbye. It came as a surprise especially because earlier that day I caught him staring at me very intently several times, and we had some fun conversations here and there like normal. The staring is new, and he has also recently started self-deprecating a lot and laughing more than normal in our conversations. On his last day of work he decided to tell me in a very solemn way, "when I'm talking to you, (name), no one else exists." So I inwardly panicked and decided to take it as a joke and he mirrored my reaction.
To my surprise I got a text from him a few days after he left with some links he thought I would like. He hasn't replied to my most recent message, which was about 2 weeks ago.
In a non-freaky, non-clingy way, I care about this guy very much and I want to be a good friend to him no matter what, I'm just not sure right now what that would look like. It would be nice if I knew for sure that I should be spending this time apart trying to get over him and moving on, if it seems like he ONLY wants to be friends. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or do anything that would make the friendship become even weirder than it already has been. I think sometimes he might feel pressured by female friends to essentially "entertain" them by being engaging and a little bit flirty. So, ENFPs, can you shed some light on his behavior and tell me how you think I can best care for my ENFP friend? Thanks for reading my word vomit