"Hypersensitivity - We often interpret negative feedback as a personal attack. In fact, we sometimes project negativity onto factual, neutral statements. This problem extends to critiques of our values, since as Fi-doms we see our values as fundamental parts of ourselves. Our hypersensitivity can cause us to avoid seeking feedback or evaluation out of fear of it being negative."
^^^^I don't know how to copy this like you guys do, as I'm a new member. Sorry! Haha
In what ways can a person accommodate to this? My boyfriend is an INFP, and while all of these descriptions apply to him, this is one one that is the most troubling in our relationship. If issues arise in our relationship, I find it important to talk them through and take a plan of action. No matter how softly I put something, or how much I try to skip around the nitty gritty details, he still feels like I'm attacking him.
For example, this weekend I tried to speak to him about our issues. As usual, he shook his head up and down, and didn't speak. So I spoke to him about what I do wrong in certain situations where he frustrates me. He said, "well then maybe that's our problem." As soon as I add where I fall short, he uses that to discredit anything he may be doing. He also refereed to our conversation as "me yelling at him," even though I make it clear that I just want us to flourish and to both admit our flaws. I never raise my voice. Then he continued by saying, "I feel like you're trying to change who I am."
I don't think when I propose he should stop doing things to me that he doesn't do to anybody else, I'm trying to changing the foundation of who he is. I mean these issues are common relationship issues that could have easily been dealt with a long time ago, as I only repeat the same issues. I tell him that nobody is perfect, and slip ups are understandable, but I'd like him to try to be consciously aware of where he acts out unreasonably. He tells me he can't, even though he can tell when he upsets me. I can tell in his eyes that he is taking it so harshly when I truly can't put it any more delicately then I already do.
What ways can I accommodate to his feelings? I know he loves me, but I don't know how much longer we can last if he doesn't try to be aware of these things that make me feel understandably disrespected. I know it's not just me being irrational, as my friends have commented. Everyone has relationship issues, and both parties contribute, but I can't continue trying to be a sweet little flower to save his feelings when he doesn't try in return.