check out
Bully OnLine: bullying in the workplace, school, family and community, action you can take, stress, psychiatric injury, PTSD, resources, case histories, news and contact the media for an interesting viewing.
below is their FAQ list in part
"How can I find information quickly at Bully OnLine?
Use the site search engine or check the site map or site index.
What is bullying?
Click here.
What's the difference between bullying and mobbing?
Click here.
What's the difference between bullying and harassment?
Click here.
What's the difference between bullying and management?
Those who can, do. Those who can't, bully. Good managers manage, bad managers bully. Bad managers reveal themselves by bullying. Click here for a list of differences between a manager and a bully.
Bullying is just tough management, isn't it?
Bullies prevent employees from fulfilling their duties, bullies are usually inadequate at their own job and survive only by plagiarising (stealing) other people's work, bullying is a breach of contract (a breach of the implied term of mutual trust and confidence), bullying causes injury to health and PTSD , bullies incur vicarious liability for the employer, etc.
Why did he/she pick on me?
Because you were good at your job, popular with people, unwittingly invited unfavourable comparison with the bully's inadequacy simply by being competent, were in the wrong place at the wrong time, blew the whistle on something (perhaps unwittingly), were vulnerable in some way (eg need to pay the mortgage), and because bullying is an obsessive, compulsive and addictive behaviour the serial bully has to have someone to bully.
Why me?
Click here.
How do bullies select their targets?
>Click here.
What are the triggers that cause bullying to start?
Click here.
What is it about me that causes bullies to pick on me?
Because you have a lot of positive qualities of which the bully is envious. Click here.
Why did I let it happen to me?
See previous answers. Because you had little or no knowledge of bullying, no training in how to deal with it, those around you denied or ignored it, you didn't recognise the bully as a sociopath, the bully disempowered you, you were vulnerable, you're honest and unwilling to compromise your integrity, the law is weak, jobs are scarce so you were frightened to report it, personnel and management probably didn't help or took the side of the bully, etc.
What did I do to deserve it?
Nothing. See previous answers. It is NEVER the target's fault - it is always the bully who is responsible for their behaviour; however, bullies project their behaviour onto their target and claim their target is the one with the "negative attitude" who is "aggressive" etc. Treat each criticism or allegation as an admission by the bully of his or her own failings and inadequacy. A target of abuse simply happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time - and probably has plenty of predecessors and successors.
So what can I do about it?
Lots, although justice through the legal system is difficult at present. Read everything (books, this web site) and decide whether you want to a) leave, get another job with an employer who values your skills and become financially stable, b) take legal action, c) fight bullying on a wider scale, d) get a settlement and do something different (perhaps more useful and rewarding) with your life, e) follow another option, or f) a combination of these. It's a personal decision that only you can make.
I thought I was the only one this was happening to.
Almost everyone who is abused thinks this. Abusers encourage it, for it disempowers and silences you. However, there are many people in your situation - with workplace bullying, perhaps half the workforce. The reason so few people report their abusers is for fear that "no-one will believe me". See the section on denial. They are usually correct - but things are changing. You can help the process of change.
I never thought I would be a victim.
You're not a victim, you're a target. The word "victim" allows some people to tap into and stimulate prejudices and preconceived notions about "victimhood", eg that it's all your fault. Some academic research has unfortunately perpetuated this and other myths. It is not your fault - bullies are abusive personalities and predatory, and the bully has deliberately and intentionally targeted you. It is the bully's pattern of behaviour (constant nitpicking criticisms, specious allegations etc) which reveals intent. Click here to see the reasons why people are targeted.
I was bullied at school and now I've been bullied again at work. Is there something wrong with me?
No. You've been targeted at work for the same reasons you were targeted at school, ie you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you are a person of integrity (bullies despise people with integrity for it reminds them of what they don't have), etc etc. It is the bully's choice to bully. Bullies have a compulsive need to bully and will target anyone who is available. Click here to see the most common reasons why people are targeted.
I was bullied months / years ago and although I enjoy my current job and my boss is supportive I still have this nagging feeling that I'm not good enough and that people think I'm a failure. Why is this and what can I do about it?
This is common to all people who have suffered long-term abuse, particularly verbal abuse (at work or at home) which focuses on "you're not good enough". As adults, people gain most of the sense of value and self-worth through their work and their relationships, so when you're repeatedly told how useless and incompetent you are - and before you've worked out you're not dealing with a decent human being but with a serial bully / nutcase / jerk / loser - the subconscious steadily soaks up this message until one becomes convinced that somehow it must be true. Logic alone is not enough to override it.
Why don't you just stand up for yourself?
Because in almost every case when you assert your right not to be bullied, things get worse. The bully senses that their tactics of control and subjugation are not working and, worse, that you can see through his or her mask of deceit. The bully's paranoid fear of exposure (of their weakness, inadequacy and incompetence) goes exponential and the bully moves into phase two - elimination. For a list of reasons why people are prevented from asserting their right not to be bullied click here. It's similar to why victims of abuse can't and won't report the abuse.