What do you INTJ's most appreciate/need in times when you are really really down and upset about things, feel you've screwed something up, and have reached a point of near-apathy as a result? (after having gone through frustration/extreme anger?)
What don't you appreciate/what does not help? (this is specifically work related for him, but you can take this and apply it to your life in general, because for him, it all ties together anyway).
I know what I have done in similar situations in the past, I am just wondering if it actually IS what you most need so would like to hear your thoughts.
What I do for myself:
"What the [expletive] do you think you're doing, moping around about some [expletive] [expletive] of a [problem]? This does not matter to you! You're [expletive] better than this, and you're not going to let this [expletive] [problem] get you down. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do something productive, you [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]."
What I like from others (female, close):
"There, there." [hug] "Let's sit down and talk about this, and I'll suggest a few solutions tentatively while you lean on my shoulder, both physically and figuratively. You don't have to be my rock all the time. I'm here for you."
(male, close):
Let's go blow some [expletive] up! Eat, drink and be merry because tonight we don't care about our problems! We'll get your mind off of it."
(male/female, acquaintance):
Jack Squat. Leave me alone, unless I asked for your suggestion or could actually make use of your advice (i.e., you've had more experience in a situation, or are older, etc)
So, it boils down to this: get my mind off of it, whether that be through talking it over with me and providing some suggestions and sympathy or by partying or doing other stuff that'd be better than letting me think more on the problem. From girls, hugs are always, always, always helpful. From girlfriends, cuddling is excellent. From guys, being bros really helps, but after I've had time to box things up and do some damage control in the situation.
I also love advice (from the right people, and from multiple trusted sources) so I can get a good picture of what my response should be, if other than my default personal one.
How does an INTJ break out of a Ni-Fi loop?
Generally by talking myself out of it. I'll become aware that I'm in a downward feedback spiral, and then just tell myself to stop and gradually psych myself up and away from it, a-la method one above.