Are you frugal? Like, to a point of no return?
I save money. I try to spend responsibly. But I splurge on a few things, e.g. CDs. So... not "to a point of no return", necessarily, but yeah, I'm frugal.
Is family a big part of your life?
YES. Definitely. They're my best friends. Definitely on the top of my priority list.
Do you ever embarrass yourself or get other people angry at you from an honest mistake and feel awful afterwords? I find it interesting that the same functions that get ESTJs into bad situations are the same ones that make ENFP's lives so insane.
Usually, when I get embarrassed by things and feel awful about them, no one else noticed or cared. Either that, or they forgot quickly, whereas I remember... and stay embarrassed... for a REALLY LONG TIME. Years, often.
If you know someone (me) has "feelings," are you conscious of hurting them, but not in a sympathetic way? For example, if you think of something you said to someone, would you say to yourself, "I feel bad for saying that," or, "I don't want to hurt their feelings"?
Interesting question. I'd never really thought about this. I guess true sympathy is hardly ever involved, with me. Usually, when I look back on something inconsiderate that I've said, my reactions have been
1. Embarrassment, and
2. Self loathing.
e.g. "How could I have been such an idiot??? Now that person hates me, and I don't know what to do. Stupid stupid stupid!"
But I don't really empathize with the person. I guess I should, but I don't. I'm not that good with empathy...
EJCC - I just noticed now that you did answer my queries. Thank you so much. I think that guilt=avoidance thing makes several things from his past make sense. I kind of attributed the emails to loneliness in a new place. I'm guessing that means that as soon as things are better established for him, that will be the end of it. This is what frustrates me about the whole thing. No one likes to feel that they are just there for someone else's convenience.
Think about it this way: he needs somebody, and you're there, and he trusts you. Plenty of people are in situations like that, and usually they don't think of it as using them, or anything like that.
Do you think that ESTJs generally ever get to the point where they can be honest about their feelings to the people close to them? Especially about things they wish they had done differently or are embarrassed about etc. I think that it would not only make those close to them see them as a lot more human, but it would also be a relief of sorts to them. Is there anyone you could or would be completely honest with?
I'd be honest with my mom, and with close friends. But some things... the things that I'm really, REALLY embarrassed about, I may never say to anyone. Ever. I guess it would make people feel better about me if I did say stuff like that... and I do try to (more so than ESTJ men, probably, because of gender culture differences (girls are encouraged to open up to others).
One of the things that I discovered too was that my ESTJ actually cared incredibly deeply, but often did not express it verbally (or even on his face) and I never realized how much I mattered to him except through chance comments from other people or the odd time when I realized I had hurt him unintentionally and he reacted angrily. In some ways I think he felt things more deeply than I did, but I never realized that for a very long time. What keeps you from saying that to someone? Is it that it gives them the power to hurt you? Do you just assume that they know already?
For me, it's that whenever I try to express those emotions, it sounds stupid. Any attempts to express those emotions are usually too shallow or too cliched. And I never feel like there's an appropriate time to express those feelings. And it's sappy, and... well, it's awkward...