Ursa
New member
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2015
- Messages
- 739
- MBTI Type
- ESTJ
- Enneagram
- 8w7
How do i treat or behave with this ESTJ?? (ESFP
Asking)
We met each other in a jiu jitsu class and things went a lil far (sexually) after telling how we felt for each other so I asked not tell anyone about us to avoid any trouble in his job.
I started to developed feelings for him and asked him "what are we". He never gave me a straight answer. I was confused so I told two friends we have in common and who knew what was going between us for advice: His boss, who's a friend of mine and a guy from our class who's a mutual friend. He learned that i told others about us and he called and told me he couldn't trust me anymore, that he was hurt, disappointed and could not believe what i did ....and that it was over. One month later, I went to apologize and he agreed on giving me one chance to regain his trust and try to be friends. He also told me to change some aspects of my behavior and be carefull of whom i trust. Like being more humble, less bitchy, keeping things to myself, not trust anyone.
After that, he started acting completely awkward, sometimes he was nice with me and sometimes he's rough and cold.
So i decided to pull back and change the aspects he told me to and got way better at jiu jitsu.
After that he started treating me very respectful and kind. He didn't mind at all spending time explaining any technique I had problem with. He talked to me more often, etc.
But Again, the situation got way out of hand when the owner (his bosses boss) of all the jiu jitsu academies in the area found out. His best friend (my other teacher) called me and told me if i knew how bad i looked as a woman telling everyone about what I did with the other teacher.
I was beyond upset.
So i went directly to talk to the guy and we cleared everything.
Compared to other situations I've had with him, for my surprise he started treating me with even more respect and kindness.
True is, I still like him and I don't know what to do with all this....
Im a ESFP
Your best bet is to move on from this person. Possibly move on from the school and start elsewhere anew if there is too much drama or if it presents a challenge to your moving on romantically.
It is never a good idea to stick around with someone who cannot give you a straight answer about your relationship status, and who runs hot and cold. Rest assured people like that want to keep you on reserve and don't actually care about your welfare or your relationship. It is also never a good idea to become involved with a person when your involvement could cause them trouble at work. It sounds like you have experienced some drama at your school on account of your involvement, which only proves this point, and I think it will only get worse over time, especially based on the responses you have received from management. Students should attend to learn and nothing else. Don't mix personal with professional. Thirdly, it is a bad idea to hang out with people who say to be careful of whom you trust (in this context). This is an extremely negative and harmful mindset that will impact your ability to interact with others in a meaningful way in the future. For your sake, discontinue this involvement.
Run, don't walk, away from this person.
Why do you even want to stay at a dysfunctional place like this? Management's sexist comment about "how bad you looked as a woman" should be a turn-off. It's not about your sex. It's about two people who made a mistake, and management should be acknowledging the other person's role in it too, more so than yours if he is an instructor or your senior.