Lia_kat
New member
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2016
- Messages
- 750
- MBTI Type
- ISFP
- Enneagram
- 9w8
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
Hello, all. I'm new to the site but have been incognito for a while. I finally made an account, haha. So many interesting threads/topics/people on here. Anyway,
My ENFJ husband and I have been together for about 8 years. I'm 26 and he's 34. He's my soulmate, a wonderful, caring, kind, brilliant human being. The last few years though we have been arguing more frequently. I brought a lot of baggage to our relationship from past family problems and relationships and he has been incredibly supportive and understanding of course, but it seems that he has lost his patience with me? (Although he claims that he has not because "he's still here"). I can be very distant and withdrawn in general but at times he makes passive-aggresive comments (or makes it into a joke because he has a great sense of humor in general and our relationship has thrived on that) about ignoring him or not being tender like other women with their husbands. This has hurt me because I love him so much and I know I show it in my own way. I know I can be argumentative and even mean. He can be a control-freak and excessively independent to the point where I feel I don't really have to do anything (when I try he does not let me) and then I, being a very laidback person in general, retreat and let him do everything. I'm used to it, but then I feel like he punishes me for it. He wants me to have this drive and motivation for certain things that I just don't have.
He's a great teacher and mentor to me as well but when we get into arguments, it tends to end up with me crying my eyes out (out of frustation from feeling misunderstood and judged) and him just being silent and stoic (although in his defense he often lets go of his pride and comes towards me because he hates arguing) or I have anxiety attacks. His way of explaning his feelings is so superior to mine --- at least verbally -- and I just feel so small when I have so much in my mind and heart but cannot say the right things or it just comes out like something so nonsensical.
I just don't know how to get inside his head or make him understand what I am feeling without being an emotional wreck. Any advice from other ENFJs? Or anyone? Thank you.
My ENFJ husband and I have been together for about 8 years. I'm 26 and he's 34. He's my soulmate, a wonderful, caring, kind, brilliant human being. The last few years though we have been arguing more frequently. I brought a lot of baggage to our relationship from past family problems and relationships and he has been incredibly supportive and understanding of course, but it seems that he has lost his patience with me? (Although he claims that he has not because "he's still here"). I can be very distant and withdrawn in general but at times he makes passive-aggresive comments (or makes it into a joke because he has a great sense of humor in general and our relationship has thrived on that) about ignoring him or not being tender like other women with their husbands. This has hurt me because I love him so much and I know I show it in my own way. I know I can be argumentative and even mean. He can be a control-freak and excessively independent to the point where I feel I don't really have to do anything (when I try he does not let me) and then I, being a very laidback person in general, retreat and let him do everything. I'm used to it, but then I feel like he punishes me for it. He wants me to have this drive and motivation for certain things that I just don't have.
He's a great teacher and mentor to me as well but when we get into arguments, it tends to end up with me crying my eyes out (out of frustation from feeling misunderstood and judged) and him just being silent and stoic (although in his defense he often lets go of his pride and comes towards me because he hates arguing) or I have anxiety attacks. His way of explaning his feelings is so superior to mine --- at least verbally -- and I just feel so small when I have so much in my mind and heart but cannot say the right things or it just comes out like something so nonsensical.
I just don't know how to get inside his head or make him understand what I am feeling without being an emotional wreck. Any advice from other ENFJs? Or anyone? Thank you.