I think it's the fusion of imagination and reality. Specifically, idealizing people and having my ideal crash and burn when I see them for who they really are. That's what's devastating to me.
That makes sense. Sounds tragic. I think that's one of the most challenging parts about human relationships is seeing someone for who they are rather than what we want them to be. I've done this a few times only to realize it much later. We all live in our own movie where we are the star. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes. With this guy Ive been thinking about "what I want from him" as an exercise in gaining clarity. I've had some problems lately and was wondering if I'm looking to him to be a knight in shining armour because I'm pretty vulnerable right now. I have concluded that I don't think so. My boundaries are strong enough for me to realize that I'm responsible for resolving my own problems and life dilemmas. Although, he has commented on the fact that I don't feel comfortable with the idea of others taking care of me. Idk- it felt weird coming from him - almost like
he wants to take care of me. I'm probably reading too much into this statement. I just don't want him to feel he needs to rescue me or have me rescue him. My "Joan of Arc" days are over with (hence the inspiration for the name). I just want to be with him and spend time with him.
LOL. There's no truth hiding in my end. Just trying to be as accurate and as helpful as possible with what I'm saying.
You forgot to say accurate (
and diplomatic) and helpful. That's more accurate.
LOL. Fair enough. Though arbitrary elitist wouldn't be the phrase I'd use.
Well that's because you don't tease others in the cruel manner I do. All INFPs are gentlemanly and cultured. But I'm afraid that suggests ean elitist attitude as well.
How about romantically cautious?
That sounds reasonable.
And what you call "nebulous basis for selection," I call "divine suggestion."
Hmmm. What is divine suggestion? I'm unfamiliar with the term and there seems to be no internet reference for it. Help me out.
Also, when I said "IF" it was a more a matter of stating the obvious because why would I go through the trouble of being slow and subtle and stuff if I don't even like the girl?
Yeah. Stating the obvious here. But the problem is when the girl of interest doesn't pick up on your subtlties and fools herself into believing its her imagination. Also, is slow and subtle always the right approach for an INFP to take? Could you live with yourself if you were slow and subtle only to lose the girl because she became bored or lost her interest out of frustration? Even though you thought she was the one, would you live without regrets because part was meant to be as part of the "slow and subtle" approach? Would she turn out to be not be the one (or ideal) because she lost interest or misunderstood you? Do you ever question where you adopt "slow and subtle" because it's safer rather than because of its effectiveness?
There is no test. Just going with the flow, feeling the chemistry, and trusting my instincts.
Okay. Maybe I am getting a little aggressive here - but I disagree. There's always a test. Not necessarily in a manipulative or calculated way. But I think people have wants (desires) and needs that are evident to themselves (sometimes unconsciously)and they look to others to fullfill some of these needs and desires. It may be argued that this is purely selfish. Love is suppose to be about giving of oneself freely without expectations of return. But I don't really think that happens much. When seeking a partner or lover, people generally look to find someone who fits their ideal. This is a test. If it wasn't a test no one would ever flunk. I agree about chemistry. Although it's hard to define, I think it means something for me too. In most any serious relationship, of course, there's a leap of faith because you can never really know a person, know you can truly trust them not to hurt you (you might think so, but not know). So you trust your instincts. So. I pretty much agree except for the "testing" part. I would even argue that INFPs test more than others because they're more idealistic and picky. Of course, I can't speak for you. I'm just responding to you as I think an INFP would behave. But I know it's not really fair to you. Please forgive me and don't take my comments too seriously since I'm talking on the fly and don't know what I'm talking about.
Is slow and subtle always the right approach? Could you live with yourself if you were slow and subtle only to lose the girl because she became bored or lost her interest. Even though you thought she was the one. Or would she not be the one because she lost interest?
Like my avatar, I'm just an Eeyore floating down the river.
I need to learn to float down river. I'm trying. But I keep flailing my arms or sinking.