Are you a 4? Do you think that you suck? I think that I suck, and I'm tired of sucking. I'm tired of sucking more than other people and I'm tired of envy. I'm tired of my ideal of intrinsic worthiness that doesn't get me results.
It seems there's a vicious cycle: We feel envious, it debilitates us from achieving, and then we feel envious again. Or maybe envy will always be there, regardless of our talents.
How do we get through life knowing we can't offer as much as some people can? How do we live without really earning something? What does it take to earn or accomplish something? Is it effort? No. Perfection? No. Then what is it? Does anyone really accomplish anything? Is anyone as confused as I am?
I am a 4w5 with an undeniable history of secretive envy. I do not deny having envy. I don't think anyone can at some point in their life. Someone here posted an important video on 'status anxiety' by Alain de Botton and it explains how a good deal of envy ties into living in democratic nations where people aren't bound by social classes and can achieve anything (supposedly) if they put in the effort. The result is, high expectations and low self-esteem/envy when we cannot meet those expectations we set for ourselves. When our peers and people close to us do better than us we compare ourselves which can lead to the one who wasn't so fortunate to feel bad about themselves.
I have found some sources to my envy, I don't know how they will compare to other peoples but I hope they'll share them as well.
1. Uncertainty/Aimlessness. I do not know what I want to do in the future. This presents the issue of not having a goal and obviously not having ways of reaching a goal. I've done this quite my whole life, and it was one of the reasons I felt down right before high school graduation, people I knew were going off to these 4 year schools and I hadn't a clue what I was doing (big (-) Perceiver trait).
2. Inexperience. Putting off doing things due to uncertainty has led to my inexperience in things involving education/career/relationships.
3. Doubt. Probably caused by inexperience^.
4. 'Playing Fields'/things like social networking sites. I can see where everyone is going and has gone but not where I am going, it can get scary.
So I'd say, root cause for me is uncertainty, which leads to doubt and wonder how other people seem to know how to squeeze what they want out of life. Which leads to lolly-gagging and eventually shooting myself in the foot while other people have a huge head start.
I'm just wondering if anyone here -regardless of type- can come to a similar conclusion as to the reason they have envy.